ho ho

the last few weeks have seen  me aiming in the decidedly GRINCH direction.  Thanks to Ryan at Pacing the Panic Room, who pointed me at the Bloggess. Not that many people read my blog, but if you happen upon it, please go see what she has done....it will BLOW you away.....She is actually the kind of writer I wish I were, but more importantly, she is the person we ALL wish we could be!

now excuse me, while I go pack up my Grinch-itude and try to have a better outlook on the season....

Happy and Merry

wasting away again in margarita-ville

my phone ring tone is Jimmy Buffet's quintessential chill song...and funnily enough, I am not really a fan of Buffet, and even though I lived in Ft. Lauderdale a while, and my mom has lived there since 1984, I had never been to Key West.  Figured it wasn't much more to fuss about than the New Orleans' French Quarter (been there), San Diego's Old Town (been there); Galveston's Strand (been there), New York's Greenwich Village (been there), San Francisco's Haight (been there), Paris' Latin Quarter (been there) and any one of a hundred other quaint little tourist traps... I have been there and I have the t-shirt!

So, back in June, when mom asked me to go to Key West with her and a couple friends over Thanksgiving, I wasn't too enthused but said "sure".....Something better was bound to come up and I totally forgot about it...until October when she asked when I was arriving...oops... and had I made the hotel reservations she had requested (back in June). Double Oops.  So I got on the stick, cashed in a frequent flyer award and made a triple point earning booking at a nice hotel where I get upgrades and free stuff.

My  mother and me, together.....can we just say that I may not have coined it, but I LIVE the phrase, "if it's not one thing, it's your mother."  She is a strong, beautiful, creative woman, who can handle anything. In fact I have never seen her cry...Indeed, I rarely see her have any emotion at all.  She has the ability to make me cry with just a word and I DO live in fear. I spill water on the floor and cringe that she will say something scathing. I broke a lamp one time and called a friend to see if she could take me to the airport (3 days early). I think it all goes back to when I was about 6 years old and my sister accidentally broke a plate or something, and my mother RIPPED the leg off her dolly and said something like "you don't take care of my things, so I am not going to take care of yours."  

Anyway, I always let these things go and go forward with hope and optimism, and while more often than not, I am punished for my naivete, this time it wasn't so bad.  She only made me cry 3 times in an entire week!!!  it was actually a fun time, and I won't need reconstructive surgery on the inside of my cheek. Nor will my tongue have to be stitched completely back on.....

Here are a few photos of the trip...more to come when I figure out to upload them from my new camera....

me and mom and her friends at thanksgiving dinner - Pier House

Conch Chowder and fruit plate with no honeydew - Give Thanks!

do i really need to write a caption?

we have our moments...

Thanks for a great trip, Margarita....(not that she reads my blog.....thank god)

Yeah - What Irish Said

This is what i would have said, if I wasn't so damn lazy....

 Of course, it wouldn't have been as WELL written, but the thoughts and feelings are the same.

THANKS IRISH!!!

the walls are crumbling

All around me, walls are crumbling. Life is folding in in so many horrible ways for my friends this week..

In summary,

Sweet DB found out her 5 month fetus didn't have a brain and had to be induced on Saturday...

JM had cancerous lumps removed from her breast on Monday...

Granny Janny had her foot amputated Tuesday due to complications of MRSA, and diabetes....

and some of my blog friends are also going through really tough times

I don't have enough tears for all this. There are times, rare but occasional, that I really had some kind of faith....

In a slightly lighter, if twisted vein, I have a great suspicion that I will be arrested on Dec. 1 coming back from Ft. Lauderdale (They have the NudeOScopes at the airport and I am absolutely NOT going through it and if anyone tries to touch MY junk, I will scream bloody murder......)  watch the news on 12/2, cuz  you might see me....

Set sail for adventure, indeed

As a former employee of a company that provided those singin' and dancin' shows on board cruise ships, perhaps I am just a wee bit biased, but what the hell is the big deal about those POOR people on the cruise ship Splendor and their 4 day "ordeal." Boo Fucking Hoo. They had to eat Spam and pop tarts and walk UP and down stairs.  ohhhhh, so sad.....this cataclysm It RUINED your birthday. This catastrophe turned your 2nd Honeymoon into a Nightmare.

Do you realize how many of those 4,500 people were just trying to do their job?  More than 1,200 people WORK on that ship! Talk about lousy working conditions in general (the crew bar is usually way below sea level, no one has a porthole, and we used to call the hall behind the kitchens "Slime Alley").  Crew doesn't eat the same food as passengers, trust me, and they don't get to do shore excursions (unless they are the performers and their agent arranged a really good deal with the producer)...

I am so sick of hearing  "Oh, I couldn't take a shower!"  "There was nothing to doooo."  "It was too cold to lay out on the deck." "We couldn't go in the pool."  Wahh wahh wahhh.  At least, all of the passengers are going to get their money back AND a free cruise.  What will the employees, who had to suffer through this HELL just as much as the paying guests.  Will they get any workman's comp for this trauma?  MOST of them live below decks  - passenger elevators don't even go down the 10 levels or MORE that are for kitchens and crew living and engines etc.  Down there, until the emergency generators came on, it was probably pitch black!  I can see some post traumatic stress cases arising from having to deal with that kind of a situation.

This was an ACCIDENT.  ACCIDENTS happen. Get over it. No one died, and everyone, except the crew, is going to make out like a bandit.....

In Memory of the Buffs

I was a freshman at CU back in the early 80s, then went back there for graduate school...but since then haven't been a real fan of college football....But NOW that CU will be part of the PAC 12 with a chance of seeing my boys here in Tucson, and it being so chilly here today, thought I would share a little ditty I wrote when I was going to school in Santa Barbara....

The biting chill of autumn days

Puts football in my veins.

Though far away and out of sight,

The memory remains.

We infiltrate the stadium

To cheer our padded boys.

A winning score is not our aim -

Just making lots of noise.

Drowning out the marching band,

The hot dogs and the beers.

The paper planes and making up

Of dirty obscene cheers.

Yelling at the referee,

The passing up of bodies,

Sipping spiked hot chocolate drinks -

Those minty flavored toddies.

The crunching of the shoulder pads,

The grunts and yellow flags,

Even though we never win,

Our ardor never lags.

We know the team will lose the game,

But still we love our Buffs,

Even though we rant and rave,

and call them "Powderpuffs".

But one rare time, we were surprised.

We won the victory crown.

Frenzied and ecstatic,

We tore a goal post down.

Though now the field is far away

And icy winds blow through,

The echo of our chant lives on -

"We love you, dear C.U."

Wordless Wednesday

if a picture is worth a thousand words, other than the cigarette, this pretty much sums up my feelings for the last few days

no sleep for YOU

so here is the tale.....I went to bed on Thursday night at midnight and woke up at 2 with a bloody nose that bled and bled...It finally stopped and I tried to get back to sleep, as I knew I had a busy weekend ahead and would be staying up all night on Friday to write an overnight play.  No such luck...no sleep for YOU.  So, I got up and worked til 8am, went to Pilates (I almost feel asleep on Double Leg Kick), then had breakfast with my classmates - no coffee, as i thought I might take a nap. 

No Nap for you!!  The phone rang...and after I turned it off and tried to close my eyes, my cell phone rang, and i couldn't turn it off as it was my alarm clock.  So, by the time I left the house, I was tired and cranky. I went to the Play in a Day presentation show on Friday night, where I was randomly assigned to another writer to write a 10 minute play, to be turned in by 6am.  So, I bought some diet Dr Pepper and headed to Nancy's for a war of the wills on writing a play with someone you don't know. 

Now, I am not much of a team player in the first place. I work from home, my sports are pilates and walking, I like working alone, which is funny considering my life in theatre...BUT I was ready to be a collaborator - apparently SHE wasn't...long story short, we went with my idea and turned in a play at 5:30am that I was actually quite proud of, and as a director, thought I could do a good job with it.  So, I laid down in her guest room to try and grab a couple hours sleep before I had to go to the JDRF walkathon (I raised over $2,000 thanks to my friends and family!! Click Here to see my progress chart and hear the cheers and whistles!!)...and my fucking cell phone rang at 6:30 - a friend calling to make sure I had turned in my play, and then at 745, I got a text from the girl I was walking with....so I gave up....

I took a shower and went to the walkathon, which we finished in an hour, and then I went to check in to the Doubletree.  Felt all my hard work deserved a nice relaxing night in a hotel, and I laid down to try to sleep.  My cell phone AGAIN, rang, and it was my mother. We talked until my phone starting dying and I thought GREAT - now I can sleep...and as I drifted off, the GOD DAMN FRONT DESK called to make sure my room was ok!!!  AGHHHHHHHHHHHH

So, I got up, and figured I would go get some dinner or something before I had to pick up my friend who was coming to see the performance of all the 10 minute plays that had been created the night before, and I could charge my phone in the car...but the CHARGER was broken...something about keeping it on the floor under my feet probably had something to do with it getting bent, I assume...So, I drove all the way home to get my phone charger.  I charged it a while and then left to get Kevin. I backed the car out of the garage, and as I shifted into Drive, it DIED.  It sounded like it WANTED to turn over, but just couldn't.  I am PANICKED!  I could miss the play, but all my stuff was at the hotel, and I had a thing to do down down on Sunday...

My neighbor said maybe it was the battery, but I didn't think so, cuz the lights and everything were fine and it was TRYING to turn over...(and as this post attests, I KNOW battery issues). I was pretty sure it was the alternator for some reason.  They helped me push it back up in the driveway, and my neighbor drove me to the theatre.

Once there, I had a whole slew of friends there to support my awesome play...and folks, the director and actors SUCKED big loads of CRAP and missed everything we had written, including the very blatant stage directions we had included to make sure certain bits were clear, and funny...I WAS so embarrassed, and when it was over, I leaned over to my friends and said, "you do not need to vote for mine to win."  The other plays were not really much better, but at least the acting was not so poor and you could understand what was going on.  At the end, yeah, mine did not win.  As a director, I have won 4 of the previous 6 times I participated, and if I had directed this script, it would have won....sigh. so, NO prize for YOU

My friend K drove me back to the hotel from the theatre, stopping at the store so I could pick up snacks for my Sunday event, then he came up and we talked until 2am - yes I would have preferred to either sleep or jump his bones, but since he's not that into me, and I know it, I took what I could get, and that was talk.  I confirmed breakfast with the front desk, since I had gotten a coupon for the awesome breakfast...11am - and YES, the hotel shuttle could take me to campus for my event! COOL...I could sleep til 10 (almost 8 hours), have a great breakfast and leisurely make it to the University with no trauma.....

watch the news and catch up on email.  Around 930, I called down to see if there was a crowd at breakfast and they said, no, it was really thinning out SINCE IT ENDED AT 10!

Fuck

So I showered and dressed and ran down to gulp in some eggs and bacon. They were out of fruit and yogurt, and the french toast was "limp" and they only had cheese danish...bleah.....

I was in too poor a mood to go sit in the hot tub, so I took the shuttle to campus, lugging my computer, my over night bag, 2 giant bags of chips, and a milk crate full of juice boxes, and my purse and water bottles.  I had a class with 35 unruly 8 - 12 year olds, and then took the lot of them to the planetarium, where I had hoped for a nice relaxing cool place where I could drop into a short nap...NO, they had a LASER show going....loud music, pulsing lasers...NO SLEEP FOR YOU!!!!

After everyone left. I kinda sat there...and then I realized I had no way to get home.....and not even any cash for a cab, and finally I burst into tears.......I sucked it up and called C, the guy who dumped me, saying he just wanted to be friends. And he said he would come get me...he lives 10 minutes away.  FIFTY minutes later he shows up and when we get to my house we take a look at my car.  It actually turned over the second try but before my elation could hit, he is screaming turn it off, as I notice black smoke rising from the hood.  The burning smell he figures is the serpentine, and I say, I still think it is the alternator causes all this, but he insists a pulley is out of alignment or something, so he takes the serpentine off...and all the pulleys spin fine...except  (guess!) the ALTERNATOR!.  He figures something has happened to the bearings in there.  We move the car to the garage, since now it starts like a 2010 model. He hangs out for a while, and then he left, I ate dinner and went to bed at 9am...And yes, I took a sleeping aid and left my cell phone in the other room.  I slept til 8....and now I am trying to get prices on getting this thing fixed.....

So here is my silver lining......at least it died at home...at least I drove up here to get my phone charger, otherwise I would have been stranded at the hotel, or worse, downtown at 10pm Saturday night, with NO PHONE.....

 

well?

Happy Halloween

Halloween has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday. Whether it was the dressing up, or the taboo candy grubbing, I don't know. Somewhere in my mid 20s or 30s, I lost the urge. I went to parties here and there, but once there was no candy involved, and no mama to make me a cool costume, I guess it lost its flair. Last year, I decided I wanted that MOJO back, so I had my first party in 20 years.  The last party I had was 1989, I lived in these dive-y apartments on Powerline in Ft. Lauderdale. We had a pool, I had a blender, my sister brought pina colada and strawberry daiquiri mix and my own father brought the rum. A few friends came over, my roommate and her boyfriend, the neighbors, some random assholes from across the street....We had a blast - I was pretty screaming drunk, but I remember it WAS a fun time...(and no, my car disappearing a few months later had NOTHING to do with this!).

So, it had been a while since I "hosted" a party. I thought, "high time," (not like THAT, you dope), I put the word out, and I'll be damned if a butt load of people showed up, including TWO babies!  It was great! At one point, there were people DANCING in my living room - now that is cool, right?

I have decided to take fate into my hands and do it again tomorrow night.  So far, about 10 or 11 have RSVP'd, so who knows?  I guess I better start thinking about a costume...and some food!  I do have the soundtrack:

a good song for Halloween

another one

another one for you die hard fans

Hope you all have a spooktacular weekend!!

random chance

By some odd chance, a friend posted a video on her Facebook today...and it was the FIRST video I ever saw, back in 1980...on Teletunes, which came BEFORE MTV in Denver, on KBDI, Broomfield Public Access...(MTV later bought Teletunes which I always thought was odd, but now that CORPORATIONS OWN America, I see the logic), and it was all helter skelter and psycho schizoid, new wave, alternative music choices from there....Depeche Mode, Yaz, Soft Cell, Split Enz, New Order, Fiction Factory, Love and Rockets, Tin Tin, Bauhaus, Blancmange, Erasure, Ministry, OMD, Shriekback, Tones on Tail, Icehouse, Japan, Spandau Ballet...god the list goes on....

So what misplaced 4 minute dirge from days gone by do I blame my current music tastes on? Easy:  Classix Nouveaux Guilty - click here to see the video!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCLqj0X2AFk

ok, my Pandora is rockin' a little old school now.  So, what framed YOUR music choices of today?

Walk a mile (or 3.2 to be exact) in MY shoes

Every year, I make it my mission to raise money for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. The organization came into existence a year or two before I was diagnosed in 1974, I think, and the walkathons and fundraising began shortly thereafter. I've walked, biked, skied and roller skated more miles, over the last 30-odd years, so that for me to "expect" my name to be included on the "registered walkers" list (not that I am in the general habit of expecting anything), is NOT too much to ask! I register on line months in advance....I do a fancy letter, and I do email campaigns, and I raise a good chunk of money - this year, more than ever before, perhaps in part to my little video

In fact, as an individual, I raise more than many family groups here in Tucson....and they have cute little kids to use as bait. Of course, some raise tons more money, but I guess if you are a lawyer or stockbroker, you have lots of contacts to strongarm ask, and the, there are the corporate teams who have companies who will match their gifts - they always raise a good chunk. Me, I just ask friends and family, most who have supported my cause over the years, and while I don't raise TONS of money, as I said, I do raise more than the average individual walker.

And yet, when I go to check in on the morning of the walk for four years in a row, my NAME was not even on the list as being registerd to walk! What the hell is that? I don't want the plaque they give everyone who raises over $1,000...I have several - I don't need a physical token of appreciation, but I'd just like to have my name on the friggin' list....One year, I WAS on the list, and it showed how much I had raised. The girl checking me in, looks up, her eyes huge, and she said, "Wow, you have raised more than anyone I have checked in today," and then she said, THANK YOU. And THAT, my friends, that was what I was waiting for. Someone to say THANK YOU. Sure, I am raising money to find a cure for a disease I have, so it may seem a little self-serving, but it isn't really. 

See, I could easily make my personal donation of $50 or $100 and feel pretty good, and be done with it.  However, I have the "ability" to USE myself, and raise tens times more...People give to people, not causes, and my friends and family support the JDRF because of ME (or another diabetic they know). It isn't like I make a personal donation of $1,500, but the fact that my begging and pleading with my friends and family result in this chunk of money, that might not otherwise have been raised, and for someone to say, THANK YOU, to me, for doing it, makes it mean so much more.

So, I am walking, again (since they haven't managed to find a cure YET), on November 6th....and we will see, won't we?  Will my name be on the list, or will I have to walk in a snarly mood?

If you are a reader of my blog, and you are one of the people who donated, THANK YOU - I love you, and your support of my cause means more to me than just the monetary value!  If you haven't seen my little video, please check it out...You don't have to donate...just watch it and maybe share it.....like the most awesome blogger in the world, The King of New York Hacks (thanks King!!). If you found my blog thanks to the King's lovely post, welcome...I hope my ranting, raving and griping and moaning don't scare you off.....

And if JDRF can figure out a way to get my name on the LIST, I will even be a happy girl for a few hours!!!  I don't know if I will be able to stand being happy.....but let's not put the cart before the horse....

we're walking, we're walking

I've said it before, but it is worth repeating when it isn't 109 degrees outside.  The desert is really quite a lovely place to live...and while I don't mean it would be a nice place for a summer home (which it isn't, unless you like the heat, and I do, so in my case, I guess it IS a nice place for a summer home), and you sure can't mind the scorpions, the rattlesnakes or the tarantulas (actually The UnMom might actually like the free spider access - getting them in your banana basket it totally up to you, however)! And the snowbirds here rival those in Ft. Lauderdale (although we don't have nearly as many Canadians, not that there is anything wrong with being Canadian, but can you imagine our poor local police trying to profile illegal Canadians?)

Last night, I actually had my camera with me on my 4 mile walk in the canyon.  I have no frickin' idea why these are sideways!  I went through and right side upped them ALL.....what the hell?  but you get the idea.....

what I love most about the saguaro is that is looks like it flipping the world off!!

even arthritic fingers need to give the finger every once in a while

can you see the old man in the rock?

 

It is the small things

The little things in life make me happy:  

~ An extra cherry in my amaretto sour without asking for it and feeling like a 4 year old. 

~ Actually getting NO onions on my burrito when I order "a bean burrito, no onions, please."

~ A free drink coupon from Starbucks after for buying 20 drinks

~ Getting to pick airplane seat from the GOOD seats up front.

~ Waking up before my alarm and feeling good about it.

~ Getting a bear claw, but only being charged for a donut.

~That last $10 donation putting me over the top on my fundraising for JDRF. (Click the link to hear the cheers and yahoos...it is quite gratifying!)

~ My car turning over to 123,456 while I am not in the middle of the construction zone, (though I HAD been up until 123455.5) and staying this way in my garage ALL night, so i can be excited about it again tomorrow

.
and to hear me actually get all verklempt about it, watch the little video...

what are YOU doing??

I am watching the extraction of those trapped miners in Chile, and it is the most amazing wonderful thing I have seen in months and months, maybe years.  If you are not watching this, you should be.  Turn off the politics; turn off the "gnus," turn off your cell phone, take the kids Wii away and WATCH THIS NOW........

Seeing the face of the woman as her husband came out was simply a moment of joy that is so rarely seen, and you really don't want to say you MISSED this because you had something "else" to do...Really?  what ELSE do you have to do?

I am crying, but for the first time in I don't know how long, it is a GOOD cry....

CLICK HERE for a live feed

politics ain't the only thing sucking around here.....

So, my profession, my avocation and my vocation, indeed, my very PASSION has always been theatre...I have two degrees from high fallutin' universities; I have a credible and almost distinguished resume - and am proud of the work I have done all over the country.  However, after a blistering, morale shattering experience last year with a show I directed downtown, I have found myself not even wanting to go see shows, let alone direct anything, and I haven't even auditioned for a show!   I saw a few great shows in NYC last winter, but the few things I have seen locally have all been SO BAD, that I kicked myself for even going!  I thought, I need to snap out of this...I LOVE theatre, so I dragged myself to the theatre last night - it was an "Old Time Radio" style thing.  

I took a friend who had moved to town recently, and we dragged her husband along too.  The group has been doing this radio thing for well over a year, so my expectations were perhaps a bit high, I suppose, but oh MY god, it was just SO sad.....unrehearsed, horrible useless sound effects, weak acting, and an ineffective director sitting in the front row supposedly "cueing" things, when neither actors or sound techs ever looked up from the script!  AND a really really poor script on top of it.....The did a McGee and Molly (?) style thing, but not one of the actors catured the twang and zip of "doll" "sis" "lissen here" "sayyyy..."  it was just so FLAT....

I went to "Old Time Radio" drama, wanting to close my eyes and imagine being cozied up to the wireless, but frankly I was scared to close my eyes for fear I would fall asleep - my FRIEND and her husband did, and the only reason I didn't was because I dug a hole in my arm with my finger nail.  An acquaintance was the playwright...and two guys I have directed in other projects were in it....and they were just horrible!!!!  I ducked out a side door quickly at the end

Sigh...and THAT is the state of the arts in Tucson......

Colorado Dreaming

I lived in Louisiana, Texas, Alberta and New Jersey before my daddy finally settled us for a while in Colorado.  Even though I only officially lived there for about 13 years of my total life, I still consider it my "home." I needed to get a few more frequent flyer points to maintain elite status for 2011, so I decided on a quick trip "home," ostensibly to see the leaves change.  As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...so here are 8,000 words.....

an icon of my youth....

Typical sky found nowhere else on earth

Maroon Bells near Aspen

Aspen doing their thing

These are actual un-retouched colors

Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.*

*Homeward Bound lyrics by Paul Simon

My Soap Box

My first second movie. After working on the original for 8 hours, I decided to redo it.....better now...

Click here to see it on youtube!!

My First Time

his hand slowly traced a path up my thigh.....I felt his warm breath as hee nibbled on my ear lobe

HA....bet you thought you were gonna get a nice, juicy dirty story out of me, didn't ya?

Sorry....but no.  I will save that for my OTHER blog.....THIS is a story about my first migraine. It happened last night and I tell ya, this may have been as a memorable as that OTHER night (March 25, 1985, in case you want to know....)

So, I worked all day yesterday after hiking in the canyon earlier in the day. Nothing unusual about that. I was on the phone for about 1/2 an hour, and then went to the kitchen about 8:30pm. As I was foraging for something to eat, I felt this ache crawl up the back off my neck into my head. I thought maybe I had been on the computer too long, so I popped some aspirin and started washing dishes or SOMETHING....I can't really remember because within a few minutes, the ache, had settled behind my eye and I felt like I was being stabbed.  I stumbled to the bathroom to see if my eye was bleeding (it has before, so it wouldn't have been the first time - only there was no pain the other time).  The white was blood shot, but after being on the computer all day, and me pressing on my eye for the last few minutes, not unusually red...But the pain, my god, the pain!!!  I tested my blood sugar, since usually when something is WRONG with me, everyone blames the diabetes first.  It was a little high, but nothing abnormal...

Then, I started to feel nauseous, and thought "maybe aspirin on an empty stomach is not such a good idea," so I had a bowl of cereal.  That didn't help, and in fact the nausea got worse. I was feeling short of breath, so I sat down and called a friend. She said I might be having a migraine, and suggested having some caffeine and putting an ice bag on my eye, and if it didn't help she'd bring me some migraine pills she had.....I don't like to do caffeine at night, so I decided to just go lie down - though she had warned me she couldn't lie down when she had her migraines....and she was right. The nausea was worse and all my zen breathing couldn't calm my pounding heart, so I got up again.  Now the lights in the kitchen were bothering me too, so I drank some warm Dr Pepper, took a Vicidin, turned out all the lights, and curled up in the arm chair with an ice bag on my head, trying to control my heart beat and breath.Then I waited for the cliff dive of the Vicidin to set in. Usually a 1/2 pill will knock me senseless for 8 hours in about 20  minutes.  An hour later, I FINALLY dropped off.

I woke up around 3, still groggy, but the pain was gone anyway...so I went and got in bed. It took about an hour for me to be able to go back to sleep, so I felt like crap when the alarm went off to go to Pilates. Suffice it to say, I didn't go

I have never felt pain like this in my head in my life. If this is the pain they are talking about in those head ache commercials, then you constant migraine sufferers have my deepest sympathies.  I am  hoping this is a one off abnormality...although, I HAVE noticed some other hormonal changes, like in my skin and hair...this BETTER not be related to MENOPAUSE......


wahhhhhhhh!  Any one else suffer REAL migraines, not those little piddly things most people whine about?

Still Hopin'

Following is my entry to the 2008 "Inspired by Diabetes" Competition sponsored by Lilly. I was inspired by Colin Hay's song "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin" which had been featured on an episode of Scrubs. Here is a link to the song as it was heard on the show..... Scrubs Episode.  This essay won 2nd place nationally, in the Adult Writing portion of the event, and here is the trophy they sent me. I've printed the essay here before, but it still is apropos, I think. Funny how the date on the calendar can change but nothing seems to change..

I was 10 when I was diagnosed with diabetes. The doctors darkly warned me about complications and commanded me to inject insulin, or die. They impressed upon my childish self how difficult my life would be, how I might not have children, and threw in a caution about my shortened life span. However, they said, the cure was "right around the corner" in the next 20 years, but ONLY if I obeyed the rules. If I took care of myself, took my shot, tested my urine and kept my 10 year-old self from candy, then, when that cure came around, I could have my REAL life back.

34 years later, I’m still waiting! And as jaded and wrinkled and arthritic as I am, I still feel 10, only instead of "I HOPE Santa came," it’s "oh my gosh, I HOPE they find the cure!"

Life with diabetes is draining; it sneaks up, taking its slow insidious time. Fortunately for me, this slow depletion of life has forged extraordinary energy and resiliency. The knowledge I've gained “auditioning” doctors, fighting with insurance companies from hell, and doing Cirque du Soleil-worthy acrobatic feats with food, insulin and exercise, allows me to live a full, REAL life.

I have diabetes. I direct, write, teach, I am an outspoken activist. I build model rockets and crochet; I ski and camp. I stay up all night and sleep all day. I’ve traveled in planes, trains, automobiles, boats, and balloons. I eat ice cream AND pizza! If this isn't a real life, then this fake one has been pretty awesome…I’m not sitting here hoping for some cure so my real life can begin, but wouldn’t it be nice?

I'd rather not test my blood. I'd rather not lie awake at night wondering what I'll do and who will take care of me when I get old. I'd rather not dwell on dialysis. I'd rather not scare off another man thanks to everything the pump "attaches" to me. I am staving off kidney disease, cardiovascular disease and amputation, and hope that if a cure does come along, I’ll be healthy enough to receive it.

It is my greatest HOPE that the children of my family and friends never know what laser surgery in the eyeball feels like. I hope they never have to do insulin math to compensate for a sick day or to eat Chinese food. I hope they are never offered a nice, juicy apple at a birthday party, while everyone else eats cake. I hope they never need to test their own blood, or keep horrid jobs just for the insurance!

I hope...I still have a tiny, shimmering chunk of HOPE inside! Life would be different without diabetes, but I know it would be nothing without the people who give my REAL life REAL meaning – the ones who inspire me to keep hoping. So I test, and read up on the latest developments, and raise money for research. And I hope…..

Feeling inspired??  Won't you consider a small donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Research  Foundation? We are walking for a cure, and your support will help fund research to help us....and all the children, of course, but this is about ME...ok...I was a child once, and YES I had diabetes then, TOO...but I wasn't so good at raising money. So now, I am old and not cute, and I need to raise money, so I am not above invoking the pitiful child...Here...do it for HER!  Now stop making me grovel and click this link: 
 
Click to Donate to JDRF

I want a Divorce

i love my family, but dear sweet baby jesus [pun intended, as you will see], I want a Divorce from some of them!  Is that possible?

The trouble began when we invaded Baghdad......but more recently, one silly cousin, we will call her Cherry Bomb, mentioned some Ohhhhh HORRORsss story that "Obama had come out in support of the Muslim worship complex at ground zero" and she posted the little poll about do you support it or not. In response, I posted an actual NEWS story that came out today about how MORE people think Obama is a Muslim than did previously! I mean, come on!  This country is such a bunch of idiots! Ever hear of freedom of religion and separation of church and state?

Cousin K (for KER-AZZZY): "the bigger question is.... who is behind this and where are the funds coming from? makes you wonder huh? and who sold them the property? inquring minds would like to know.. 

ARM (for A Random Moe)  asked: And Pelosi wants to know who we are thats opposing the mosque! LOL

K:  is that woman really in her right mind? she wants to have all the "opposers" investigated and then punished...i know the muslims have the right to worship but why does our government cater to them? and then try to take away all of our Christian rights? all i can say is satan is alive and doing his job well !!

My eyes rolled inside my head and blasted out my nostrils at that point

 

ARM:  They will not humble themselves nor go away quietly...

I threw up a little in my mouth.  I could really no longer hold my tongue, as it was in bleeding shreds in my mouth

SSP :  It has nothing to do with YOUR rights, cousin K, and it takes nothing away from YOU. However, the US constitution guarantees those same rights to OTHER Americans who don't happen to be Christ followers, and, like it or not, there are MILLIONS of tax-paying Muslims in this country. You don't have to like it, but you do have to respect their rights as much as you want them to respect yours! And, ARM, why SHOULD they go away quietly?? They have just as much right to be here as you do!

K: did i say ANYTHING about taking their right to worship away? NO i did not ,i simply said why does our government try take anything that is Christian away? it seems to me its ok to be any other religion in the US except Christian, and for your infomation i have NOTHING against muslims , jews, buddist etc they can worship any way they like it .. i just find it a bit cruel to build your mosac next to a place that a group of radical muslims killed 100's of people in the name of their god..

ARM:   Yes, they have their "rights" but if they had their way we'd have "no rights". I personally don't desire to wear a burka or land in jail because I go out in public w/o a male relative. They have a right to build a mosque anywhere but they should realize and I think they do, that address is a wee bit too close to "ground zero" The first thing they do when they think they have conquered a nation is put up a mosque in that place.  Already they stop traffic on Madison Ave in NYC and allow the Muslims to kneel in the STREET for their prayers. Do you realize how many mosques are presently in NY?   They are terribly insensitive to the people who lost loved ones in the Twin Towers. But then, thats not a surprise as they kill their own people even wives and daughters.......duh! “New York City has more than 100 mosques, compared with 10 in 1970, and more than 800,000 of its 8.21 million residents are Muslims, said Philip Banks III,” chief of the NYPD Community Affairs Bureau. 

WTF??  Conquered a nation??  I don't consider us "conquered" by ANY drunken stretch of the imagination - What is IN that Koolaid those people are drinking??

SSP:  and 6000 churches and 1000 synagogues, I did the same Google search as you (http://didyouknow.org/number-of-churches-and-mosques-in-new-york-city/). Look, ARM, I don't know you, and I love my cousins, and moreover, I respect your right to your opinion, but you are being hateful and ignorant!   At the interfaith summit held in Chicago after the September 11th attacks, leaders of the muslin, christian and jewish faiths came together and issued this statement: "As we have since 9/11 and the beginning of the war on terrorism: we call for greater understanding; we seek to dispel ignorance; we ask that this be a time of humility not arrogance; and, we hope that all can be mindful of what we have lost." (Reuters AlertNet).

Just so you KNOW, dozens of the people who died on September 11th WERE Muslim, including a number of who were working in the restaurant, and some on the planes, and some who worked for AMERICAN companies in the towers, and even in the Pentagon! Do you really think Muslims don't CARE about their lost ones the same way as the Christian ones do?? What about the Jews? or God forbid [pun??], the atheists? Surely you will permit them to mourn their losses?

Look, they close the banks and schools for Christian holidays like Easter and Christmas, what is wrong with throwing a few crumbs to another religion. Stopping traffic in NYC happens ALL the time...is it OK, 'cuz they are shooting Sex in the City, or celebrating Chinese New Year or St, Patricks Day, but NOT ok, OK cuz we are asked to show a little respect? Madison is not the only way Uptown!  You are NOT required to wear a burqa (proper spelling), BECAUSE you have the freedom to practice a religion where you don't HAVE to wear anything you don't want!! 

Lastly, plenty of Americans kill their wives and children...only here we call it a genteel name, "Domestic Violence" and casually avert our eyes when we see it happening to our friends and neighbors. Killing women and children is NOT just a Muslim "thing." I think Hitler and his cronies at the SS, Christians one and all, felt no remorse at killing women and children.  

The 19 attackers on September 11th killed thousands of people, not hundreds, and while there are plenty of bad ones, that does not mean the entire religion is evil and corrupt! That is what I take issue with! I am NOT attacking you.... I am simply asking you all to have the same tolerance and generosity and kindness that Christ asks of you. Why is that so impossible. Muslims do not want to take ANYTHING away from you!

Look if anyone has actually READ anything "real" on this story, you would know that, first of all, they don't even have the money to pay for the building!! They can't just HAVE the building. No one is NYC is going to GIVE it to them....so this whole MOSQUE thing next to a sacred burial ground is kinda silly.

So, that is it. I logged out of Facebook after that...I can't wait to see the maelstrom of  seething rage I've stirred up in the right wing block of my family.  Anyone wanna adopt me??

zucchini - it ain't just for Breakfast anymore

this one goes out to Keely, over at The Un Mom. My sister has QUITE the green thumb. Lord knows what she does with all these things, besides decorate her children, and make chocolate chip zucchini cake.....

Random Tuesday

this might actually be better tomorrow for wordless wednesday, but whatever....

Do Over

If I could do it ALL over, rather than being beautiful or rich or popular or brilliant (like I AM), I would trade it all to have the ability to do THIS....

 Click Me to see a YouTube Video that will make your eyes pop out of you head, in a GOOD way....

Wouldn't YOU??No, really, wouldn't you love to be this strong, this flexible, this beautiful????

i would...

now a whole separate post is needed for the "story" this dance tells.... look at HER face...and look at his!  completely different commitments to the relationship....she trys to keep him out, trys not to let him get under  his skin and he keeps pulling her in, until she is completely invested, trusting, immersed and blinded by her devotion to the feelings in her heart, she lets him get "under her skin," while he, once he gets her, remains careless and unattached, he gets by on brute strength, never needing to show a true feeling.......

powerful.  The choreographer needs a credit somewhere....