Misery

Every year, thanks to my job, I am dragged kicking and screaming from Tucson, my idyllic, secluded little haven, and I am thrust into the angry, wicked, dirty world, where my eyeballs are held open, like in A Clockwork Orange, and I am forced to remember that that life does, in fact, suck for lots of people

I am in San Francisco, possibly one of the saddest cities ever. What exactly makes it so sad? Certainly not the abundant and delicious food, or the shopping, or the wondrous sights or the friends and family who are here. Certainly not the 4-star hotel with executive lounge privileges and king size beds and welcome bottles of wine.....

The sad part is the utter misery in which so many people live. Every corner has someone with a hand out, a puppy, the armless guy in the wheelchair down by Fisherman's Wharf who points with his paintbrush held in his teeth, the saxophone player in Union Square, the sad pitiful creatures at market and powell and in every door way. Sure, I know there are plenty of resources available, soup kitchens and aid centers and all that - god knows I wouldn't know where to go if I lost all my money and friends, but apparently they are there.

I was riding the bus back from a friend's house yesterday, and this dirty woman snuck on through the back door. She was trying to move quickly so the driver wouldn't notice and she tripped over her wheelie cart as the bus lurched into motion, landing heavily on the seat across from me. I smiled at her and made some light silly comment about how the bus driver had no appreciation for her balletic, graceful stunt and she chuckled and smiled back. We exchanged a few other words...I noticed she had a badly healed broken nose and red scars on her face where she had either been beaten or maybe thrown into a wall or a bus or something. She was missing a couple of teeth, and she was very aware of her appearance. She picked at some hair and specks of dirt on her pants, she tried to clean her face with a napkin in her hand and reached up to fix her hair, that she had carefully parted and combed at some point...the pretty clip was falling out but she had obviously taken pains to try and look nice. She was wearing cute flip flops....the kind you'd wear on vacation in Miami...certainly not San Francisco, even in February.

She struggled with something in her cart and I offered to hold an empty cereal box for her as she was consolidating, and it took a lot of room. I told her I would be glad to throw it away for her later. Then, from the corner of my eye, I watched as she struggled to pull some kleenex from her pocket and then with shaking hands, she carefully opened an expensive high-end chocolate bar. She broke off a huge hunk in the kleenex and held it out to me. I said no thank you, I was allergic to nuts - and believe me it was NOT because I was too good for her dirty fingers touching my chocolate. I could NOT imagine taking one single morsel of that decadent, delicious treat from that poor soul! I wished I had 2 more in my pocket to give her!!

It was a LONG bus ride, but when she got off, we smiled at each other. She said "have a good day," and I said same to you...and she went off down Mission Street, hopefully towards someplace warm for the night....I stayed on the bus until the end of the line, sobbing for that lady and the life she leads. The mama and daddy who loved this little girl, this person who has no one in the world who can help her get to a doctor to fix her nose or give her a pair of socks and suitable shoes! She carries her life in a wheelie cart along Mission St. in San Francisco, and got off 2 blocks from Union Square, where Louis Vuitton and Prada and Cartier and Neimans and Saks rule

Why why why.....how can we live with such plenty when there are such sad cases in the world - sure there are lots of sick people, lots of drug addicts and sex offenders, but I just think that it we took better care of everyone, then we wouldn't have so much trouble in the world. If we took care of our OWN, it would make more sense to take care of everyone else in the world. If no one had to worry about having enough to eat or a place to sleep, then the suffering would be so much less....yeah yeah yeah I know.....I could give them everything I had and it would still not solve the problem, but I still cried myself to sleep last night in my big comfy bed with 5 feather pillows and 600 thread count cotton sheets.

I want to go home.

From NYC to Chicago....

man, i have been busy! I haven't had time to read any blogs in ages, nor have I had time to put anything thoughtful together for my own....but thought I would add some content, just keep it alive in case any one still reads it.

I was in New York for 2 weeks - a week of prep, followed by a week of auditions. My aunt C always comes, since she is a former SW airlines employee and can fly for free. This year, my niece came to town - she usually comes to help in Chicago, but this was her first time to NYC - she is 16.....a nice time to see NYC, don't you think?

I hope she had a good time...We did a lot of sight seeing, including a dash through Central Park, and a fair bit of shopping. We won the lottery to see Rock of Ages, which was fun! We had massages in China town, after dinner at Paesano's and dessert at Ferrara's bakery. I even got her to try falafel!! She was skeptical at first, but I think she might be a bit of a convert now :-)

at Bryant Parkat the Bethesda Angel Fountain in Central Park

JC and the Empire State Building AND the moon