Colorado Dreaming

I lived in Louisiana, Texas, Alberta and New Jersey before my daddy finally settled us for a while in Colorado.  Even though I only officially lived there for about 13 years of my total life, I still consider it my "home." I needed to get a few more frequent flyer points to maintain elite status for 2011, so I decided on a quick trip "home," ostensibly to see the leaves change.  As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...so here are 8,000 words.....

an icon of my youth....

Typical sky found nowhere else on earth

Maroon Bells near Aspen

Aspen doing their thing

These are actual un-retouched colors

Homeward bound,
I wish I was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.*

*Homeward Bound lyrics by Paul Simon

My Soap Box

My first second movie. After working on the original for 8 hours, I decided to redo it.....better now...

Click here to see it on youtube!!

My First Time

his hand slowly traced a path up my thigh.....I felt his warm breath as hee nibbled on my ear lobe

HA....bet you thought you were gonna get a nice, juicy dirty story out of me, didn't ya?

Sorry....but no.  I will save that for my OTHER blog.....THIS is a story about my first migraine. It happened last night and I tell ya, this may have been as a memorable as that OTHER night (March 25, 1985, in case you want to know....)

So, I worked all day yesterday after hiking in the canyon earlier in the day. Nothing unusual about that. I was on the phone for about 1/2 an hour, and then went to the kitchen about 8:30pm. As I was foraging for something to eat, I felt this ache crawl up the back off my neck into my head. I thought maybe I had been on the computer too long, so I popped some aspirin and started washing dishes or SOMETHING....I can't really remember because within a few minutes, the ache, had settled behind my eye and I felt like I was being stabbed.  I stumbled to the bathroom to see if my eye was bleeding (it has before, so it wouldn't have been the first time - only there was no pain the other time).  The white was blood shot, but after being on the computer all day, and me pressing on my eye for the last few minutes, not unusually red...But the pain, my god, the pain!!!  I tested my blood sugar, since usually when something is WRONG with me, everyone blames the diabetes first.  It was a little high, but nothing abnormal...

Then, I started to feel nauseous, and thought "maybe aspirin on an empty stomach is not such a good idea," so I had a bowl of cereal.  That didn't help, and in fact the nausea got worse. I was feeling short of breath, so I sat down and called a friend. She said I might be having a migraine, and suggested having some caffeine and putting an ice bag on my eye, and if it didn't help she'd bring me some migraine pills she had.....I don't like to do caffeine at night, so I decided to just go lie down - though she had warned me she couldn't lie down when she had her migraines....and she was right. The nausea was worse and all my zen breathing couldn't calm my pounding heart, so I got up again.  Now the lights in the kitchen were bothering me too, so I drank some warm Dr Pepper, took a Vicidin, turned out all the lights, and curled up in the arm chair with an ice bag on my head, trying to control my heart beat and breath.Then I waited for the cliff dive of the Vicidin to set in. Usually a 1/2 pill will knock me senseless for 8 hours in about 20  minutes.  An hour later, I FINALLY dropped off.

I woke up around 3, still groggy, but the pain was gone anyway...so I went and got in bed. It took about an hour for me to be able to go back to sleep, so I felt like crap when the alarm went off to go to Pilates. Suffice it to say, I didn't go

I have never felt pain like this in my head in my life. If this is the pain they are talking about in those head ache commercials, then you constant migraine sufferers have my deepest sympathies.  I am  hoping this is a one off abnormality...although, I HAVE noticed some other hormonal changes, like in my skin and hair...this BETTER not be related to MENOPAUSE......


wahhhhhhhh!  Any one else suffer REAL migraines, not those little piddly things most people whine about?

Still Hopin'

Following is my entry to the 2008 "Inspired by Diabetes" Competition sponsored by Lilly. I was inspired by Colin Hay's song "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin" which had been featured on an episode of Scrubs. Here is a link to the song as it was heard on the show..... Scrubs Episode.  This essay won 2nd place nationally, in the Adult Writing portion of the event, and here is the trophy they sent me. I've printed the essay here before, but it still is apropos, I think. Funny how the date on the calendar can change but nothing seems to change..

I was 10 when I was diagnosed with diabetes. The doctors darkly warned me about complications and commanded me to inject insulin, or die. They impressed upon my childish self how difficult my life would be, how I might not have children, and threw in a caution about my shortened life span. However, they said, the cure was "right around the corner" in the next 20 years, but ONLY if I obeyed the rules. If I took care of myself, took my shot, tested my urine and kept my 10 year-old self from candy, then, when that cure came around, I could have my REAL life back.

34 years later, I’m still waiting! And as jaded and wrinkled and arthritic as I am, I still feel 10, only instead of "I HOPE Santa came," it’s "oh my gosh, I HOPE they find the cure!"

Life with diabetes is draining; it sneaks up, taking its slow insidious time. Fortunately for me, this slow depletion of life has forged extraordinary energy and resiliency. The knowledge I've gained “auditioning” doctors, fighting with insurance companies from hell, and doing Cirque du Soleil-worthy acrobatic feats with food, insulin and exercise, allows me to live a full, REAL life.

I have diabetes. I direct, write, teach, I am an outspoken activist. I build model rockets and crochet; I ski and camp. I stay up all night and sleep all day. I’ve traveled in planes, trains, automobiles, boats, and balloons. I eat ice cream AND pizza! If this isn't a real life, then this fake one has been pretty awesome…I’m not sitting here hoping for some cure so my real life can begin, but wouldn’t it be nice?

I'd rather not test my blood. I'd rather not lie awake at night wondering what I'll do and who will take care of me when I get old. I'd rather not dwell on dialysis. I'd rather not scare off another man thanks to everything the pump "attaches" to me. I am staving off kidney disease, cardiovascular disease and amputation, and hope that if a cure does come along, I’ll be healthy enough to receive it.

It is my greatest HOPE that the children of my family and friends never know what laser surgery in the eyeball feels like. I hope they never have to do insulin math to compensate for a sick day or to eat Chinese food. I hope they are never offered a nice, juicy apple at a birthday party, while everyone else eats cake. I hope they never need to test their own blood, or keep horrid jobs just for the insurance!

I hope...I still have a tiny, shimmering chunk of HOPE inside! Life would be different without diabetes, but I know it would be nothing without the people who give my REAL life REAL meaning – the ones who inspire me to keep hoping. So I test, and read up on the latest developments, and raise money for research. And I hope…..

Feeling inspired??  Won't you consider a small donation to the Juvenile Diabetes Research  Foundation? We are walking for a cure, and your support will help fund research to help us....and all the children, of course, but this is about ME...ok...I was a child once, and YES I had diabetes then, TOO...but I wasn't so good at raising money. So now, I am old and not cute, and I need to raise money, so I am not above invoking the pitiful child...Here...do it for HER!  Now stop making me grovel and click this link: 
 
Click to Donate to JDRF

I want a Divorce

i love my family, but dear sweet baby jesus [pun intended, as you will see], I want a Divorce from some of them!  Is that possible?

The trouble began when we invaded Baghdad......but more recently, one silly cousin, we will call her Cherry Bomb, mentioned some Ohhhhh HORRORsss story that "Obama had come out in support of the Muslim worship complex at ground zero" and she posted the little poll about do you support it or not. In response, I posted an actual NEWS story that came out today about how MORE people think Obama is a Muslim than did previously! I mean, come on!  This country is such a bunch of idiots! Ever hear of freedom of religion and separation of church and state?

Cousin K (for KER-AZZZY): "the bigger question is.... who is behind this and where are the funds coming from? makes you wonder huh? and who sold them the property? inquring minds would like to know.. 

ARM (for A Random Moe)  asked: And Pelosi wants to know who we are thats opposing the mosque! LOL

K:  is that woman really in her right mind? she wants to have all the "opposers" investigated and then punished...i know the muslims have the right to worship but why does our government cater to them? and then try to take away all of our Christian rights? all i can say is satan is alive and doing his job well !!

My eyes rolled inside my head and blasted out my nostrils at that point

 

ARM:  They will not humble themselves nor go away quietly...

I threw up a little in my mouth.  I could really no longer hold my tongue, as it was in bleeding shreds in my mouth

SSP :  It has nothing to do with YOUR rights, cousin K, and it takes nothing away from YOU. However, the US constitution guarantees those same rights to OTHER Americans who don't happen to be Christ followers, and, like it or not, there are MILLIONS of tax-paying Muslims in this country. You don't have to like it, but you do have to respect their rights as much as you want them to respect yours! And, ARM, why SHOULD they go away quietly?? They have just as much right to be here as you do!

K: did i say ANYTHING about taking their right to worship away? NO i did not ,i simply said why does our government try take anything that is Christian away? it seems to me its ok to be any other religion in the US except Christian, and for your infomation i have NOTHING against muslims , jews, buddist etc they can worship any way they like it .. i just find it a bit cruel to build your mosac next to a place that a group of radical muslims killed 100's of people in the name of their god..

ARM:   Yes, they have their "rights" but if they had their way we'd have "no rights". I personally don't desire to wear a burka or land in jail because I go out in public w/o a male relative. They have a right to build a mosque anywhere but they should realize and I think they do, that address is a wee bit too close to "ground zero" The first thing they do when they think they have conquered a nation is put up a mosque in that place.  Already they stop traffic on Madison Ave in NYC and allow the Muslims to kneel in the STREET for their prayers. Do you realize how many mosques are presently in NY?   They are terribly insensitive to the people who lost loved ones in the Twin Towers. But then, thats not a surprise as they kill their own people even wives and daughters.......duh! “New York City has more than 100 mosques, compared with 10 in 1970, and more than 800,000 of its 8.21 million residents are Muslims, said Philip Banks III,” chief of the NYPD Community Affairs Bureau. 

WTF??  Conquered a nation??  I don't consider us "conquered" by ANY drunken stretch of the imagination - What is IN that Koolaid those people are drinking??

SSP:  and 6000 churches and 1000 synagogues, I did the same Google search as you (http://didyouknow.org/number-of-churches-and-mosques-in-new-york-city/). Look, ARM, I don't know you, and I love my cousins, and moreover, I respect your right to your opinion, but you are being hateful and ignorant!   At the interfaith summit held in Chicago after the September 11th attacks, leaders of the muslin, christian and jewish faiths came together and issued this statement: "As we have since 9/11 and the beginning of the war on terrorism: we call for greater understanding; we seek to dispel ignorance; we ask that this be a time of humility not arrogance; and, we hope that all can be mindful of what we have lost." (Reuters AlertNet).

Just so you KNOW, dozens of the people who died on September 11th WERE Muslim, including a number of who were working in the restaurant, and some on the planes, and some who worked for AMERICAN companies in the towers, and even in the Pentagon! Do you really think Muslims don't CARE about their lost ones the same way as the Christian ones do?? What about the Jews? or God forbid [pun??], the atheists? Surely you will permit them to mourn their losses?

Look, they close the banks and schools for Christian holidays like Easter and Christmas, what is wrong with throwing a few crumbs to another religion. Stopping traffic in NYC happens ALL the time...is it OK, 'cuz they are shooting Sex in the City, or celebrating Chinese New Year or St, Patricks Day, but NOT ok, OK cuz we are asked to show a little respect? Madison is not the only way Uptown!  You are NOT required to wear a burqa (proper spelling), BECAUSE you have the freedom to practice a religion where you don't HAVE to wear anything you don't want!! 

Lastly, plenty of Americans kill their wives and children...only here we call it a genteel name, "Domestic Violence" and casually avert our eyes when we see it happening to our friends and neighbors. Killing women and children is NOT just a Muslim "thing." I think Hitler and his cronies at the SS, Christians one and all, felt no remorse at killing women and children.  

The 19 attackers on September 11th killed thousands of people, not hundreds, and while there are plenty of bad ones, that does not mean the entire religion is evil and corrupt! That is what I take issue with! I am NOT attacking you.... I am simply asking you all to have the same tolerance and generosity and kindness that Christ asks of you. Why is that so impossible. Muslims do not want to take ANYTHING away from you!

Look if anyone has actually READ anything "real" on this story, you would know that, first of all, they don't even have the money to pay for the building!! They can't just HAVE the building. No one is NYC is going to GIVE it to them....so this whole MOSQUE thing next to a sacred burial ground is kinda silly.

So, that is it. I logged out of Facebook after that...I can't wait to see the maelstrom of  seething rage I've stirred up in the right wing block of my family.  Anyone wanna adopt me??

zucchini - it ain't just for Breakfast anymore

this one goes out to Keely, over at The Un Mom. My sister has QUITE the green thumb. Lord knows what she does with all these things, besides decorate her children, and make chocolate chip zucchini cake.....

Random Tuesday

this might actually be better tomorrow for wordless wednesday, but whatever....

Do Over

If I could do it ALL over, rather than being beautiful or rich or popular or brilliant (like I AM), I would trade it all to have the ability to do THIS....

 Click Me to see a YouTube Video that will make your eyes pop out of you head, in a GOOD way....

Wouldn't YOU??No, really, wouldn't you love to be this strong, this flexible, this beautiful????

i would...

now a whole separate post is needed for the "story" this dance tells.... look at HER face...and look at his!  completely different commitments to the relationship....she trys to keep him out, trys not to let him get under  his skin and he keeps pulling her in, until she is completely invested, trusting, immersed and blinded by her devotion to the feelings in her heart, she lets him get "under her skin," while he, once he gets her, remains careless and unattached, he gets by on brute strength, never needing to show a true feeling.......

powerful.  The choreographer needs a credit somewhere....

The Milk Challenge

Captain Dumbass poignantly recounted a tale of his new little boy, Finn and his most recent "spit up," and that reminded me of 4th of July last year.  

My family always gets together on the 4th in my aunt and uncle's back yard near Houston. I come from Arizona, my dad drives down from the the East Texas forest,  either my brother or my sister (and their kids) come in from MI or IN...My dad's sisters, and most of my first and second cousins from that particular branch of the family, AND all their kids, as well as various ex husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends (and the rare "partner" usually introduced as "my friend")!  Usually a screaming rabble in the pool, sometimes a bloody slide incident, 3 or 4 dogs underfoot, a few hardy souls jumping from the garage roof into the pool (though once one person does it, then all the little munchkins wanna do it too. The only rule is you have to be big enough to get yourself up the ladder), usually some sort of impromptu "talent" display, lots of delicious food, and then we all sit on the roof when the sun goes down to watch two different sets of fireworks.  

I have been attending with devout regularity since 1995, and it has really been cool watching my little cousins grow up. I imagine this is how MY aunts and uncles felt watching me and my brother and sister and first cousins when we were little.

Well, the times, they are a-changin.'  All them little third cousins are married now, and have their own children, which is fine and dandy, but some of those spouses, I tell ya, they have brought in an element that can only be described as "uncouth." Now, we are no puritan, perfect family by any means (most of them wildly profess to be Christian, and every so often one of them will erroneously ask me if I have a relationship with Christ....). 

We are definitely a red neck bunch of Cajuns, and mighty proud of it.  But these spouses...the ideas in their heads!? You have to wonder if perhaps they WERE dropped on their heads as babies, and not just disciplined with switches and belts like the rest of us!

My little third cousin C married this guy, W who seems like such a fine upstanding guy. They have made some beautiful babies, and C seems really happy (she recently had new boobs installed, so I think W is really happy too). So, last year, W, not content with the way things are decided to mix it up and introduced "The Milk Challenge"  He told us about this dumbass stunt, where you have drink a gallon of milk, and then keep it down for an hour.  Apparently, it is a real test of your manhood, like killing a deer or pulling a sword from a stone, so as we all watched in abject horror....several tried...and all failed. They all report the milk was still cold as it came back out.  Something about the Sorry about the incredibly gross, but vivid, photo. Show your children - let this be a cautionary tale for them so others don't have to suffer!!!  

I am thinking, men, what crazy nuts makes them do these things (oh yeah...crazy nuts...duhhh), when my cousin K decides SHE wants in......She drank about half, but she won't let herself throw up for some reason, so she just writhed on the grass for a long time....

kids....everywhere

I just had this huge rant about children, inspired by the children of my brother and sister, and those of two of my best friends, but I deleted it. Funnily enough, Ryan over at Pacing the Panic Room has a post on the rancor between he and his sister as children...Must be going around, huh?.  

I have no children, so I can't complain, but I am still convinced I would have made an awful good mama, and I have worked with more kinds of kids than most people can imagine, so I know some shit.  Can I just remind everyone that as early as a mere 100 years ago children were only brought into this world to work in our family business, or to work on the farms.  I read this great article in the New York Magazine that pointed out that as our lives have become easier, children have become more "precious" and the way we treat [read: coddle] them today is only because life is so much easier for us now.  100 years ago, children never got cars on their 16th birthday and never had phones and music players and fancy clothes.  And they rarely went to college! Only the truly gifted or fabulously wealthy could do it....so everyone is in financial crisis and I think I will choose to blame this ALL on children.  I don't have any, but I think my theory may be dead on.

 

I love my nieces and my nephews, but I am only in the periphery of their lives, if at all...a few days once a year, maybe a week? They don't need me, they don't remember the things I do for them, the presents I buy, and I don't know why - I remember my aunts as being such caring loving people all through my childhood, and even now, most of my aunts are my dearest friends....I don't know why I have such a burning desire to be in my siblings' childrens lives. They could care less I sometimes think, and sometimes I even think my brother and sister would prefer if I would leave them alone.

Whatever. I am feeling particularly cranky since I haven't been home since the end of June...and won't be for another week...I am in Michigan for another few days, then Chicago, then fly back to Houston to get my car and then maybe head home...Janie, if you are reading, maybe I will swing by Midland. You don't have any kids at HOME do ya????

the end

I went out yesterday morniing and the entire nest is destroyed...but no little egg shells...I am thinking some evil rat bastard of a lizard climbed up the bush and into the nest, devoured the eggs and trashed the nest. I am almost sad for the little crack ho birdie.  Survival of the fittest FER SHURE

tomorrow is my birthday. hope i don't get devoured by a lizard......

The Crack Ho is Back in Town

Hadn't seen the bird in a while...figgered she flew off in shame for leaving her unborn babies like THAT, so imagine my surprise when I went outside to water my dead bush (I thought I better, since it hasn't rained since March and probably won't again til July), and as I start spraying the dead leaves (and a few surprisingly hardy and beautiful flowers! click on this photo at left to see what i mean - seriously, NO water in 2 months!!) the bush shook to life and a bird flew up at my face.  I swatted madly, drenching myself in the process, and when I could breathe again, I noticed that little bitch had built ANOTHER damn nest on my patio...AND she had laid 2 eggs in it!

OK, the last time, she was relatively protected from the WILD in my window sill, behind the iron bars, but NOW she has precariously perched the HOME OF HER CHILDREN on the ledge of the patio. It is  a mere 3 inches wide, and somehow, she has managed to build it INTO the bush....which when watered made her home shake like it was built on the San Andreas fault.

Look, I love nature as much as the next guy, but seriously, WTF? Darwin truly knew what he was talking about when he mentioned survival of the fittest. This bird is an idiot, but she does have a bullheaded stubborn streak and a desperate will to procreate, I will give her that much....Maybe that's why I never had children.....always searching too hard for a nice safe haven to HAVE them, and never finding it, have arrived at this great age with my nest barren...

Let's see what the next few days bring. I know there is also a bunny burrowed into my patio...Although I probably flooded him out today, too.... and I someone told me they saw a rattle snake in the courtyard....I bet they just LOVE little eggs.

something borrowed...again

Auds over at Barking Mad is taking a bit of a respite, and since I am a lazy ass slacker I figured I would tag along...Just to be clear....she stole it from another blog I don't follow but which has some pretty KER-AZY shit on it.....

1. It's 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely: well if I was 26, I would be at a gay disco on Miami Beach whooping it up.....but I ain't 26, and I am no where near Miami Beach...ahh to be young again....now if I am not home, or in a hotel on the road, you better activate my implanted homing device cuz there is NO telling where I have wandered off to!

2. What's the last thing you spent more than $100 on? My eye doctor this morning...sonuvabitch.....my retinas look like giant boobs with varicose veins. Before that, new shoes for my baby (aka my 1995 saturn)

3. What do your bank checks look like? hmmm little rectangle things...maybe tan? nothing special, and definitely FREE from the bank.

4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from? Macys

5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list: A telescope and a propane stove.

6. What color is your toothbrush? ummm ya know, I don't think I know...oh yes, it is a Braun so it must be blue and white

7. Name something you collect and tell us about it. Patches - the kind you used to sew on back packs and denim jackets. I collect THESE instead of t-shirts from all the places I go since I was 18...much easier to tote around than the tshirts, AND they always fit!! Some day I plan to sew them on a blanket or something...I am missing a few, but I have over 200 from cities and states and countries I have visited. They are getting harder and harder to find!

8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it? Bario Brewery. With a bunch of rocket scientists and aerospace experts (yawwwwnnn). The chicken quesadilla was great, but I am not a fan of diet RC.

9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for? bought? I don't buy cards. I MAKE cards! You want to buy one, email me!

10. What is your worst bad habit? Procrastinating and never finishing ANYTHING.

11. Name a magazine you subscribe to? Body & Soul.

12. Your favorite pizza toppings? Pepperoni, Pineapple and Jalapeno...all on the same pizza.

13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book? Wow. man that takes me back...remember those things? gosh, I always used to check and see if my name was in there and how many people with my name there were....I can NOT remember the last time I used a phone book for its intended purpose....right now they fill an empty space in my pots and pans drawer

14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most? I am much too lazy to answer this - too much explanation would be required.

15. What is the last thing you cooked? Camping, I made THE most amazing pancakes ever known to man....

16. Name something you wouldn't want to buy used? Feminine hygiene products

17. Which shoe do you put on first? which ever one I grab first.

18. What is the last thing you remember losing? I don't think it counts, cuz I don't lose things, and I don't get lost...but this IS pretty funny in retrospect

19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house? compared to what? the only matching furniture is in the bed room.....everything else has just been accumulated

20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning? I bought a flashlight, and it didn't work so I am bringing it back tomorrow! piece of CRAP!!

21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why? I like Samsara and Hypnotic Poison, but they frown on perfume at the gym, and that it the only place I go...so just a spritz of something by apothecary keeps me smelling yummy

22. Your favorite board game? Scrabble. I play with my self sometimes....

23. What was the last board game you played? see above

24. Where did your vehicle come from? The dealer - my first new car....1994...it was the first car sold for the new year...boy was I a sucker, but I think I have gotten my money's worth.

25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be? "Sara Smile" by Hall and Oates.

26. You're sad, who can cheer you up easily? Generally, no one tries.....and it is better that way - I don't like being told to cheer up, or be reminded that OTHERS are worse off than me. I drag myself up or sit here and mope til I feel better...as I said, I play with myself.....

27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? I think they were peach...I only had eyes for someone not in the wedding party.....NO...they were white with big Purple and pink and peach sashes....

28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most? Dusting and cleaning the shower.

29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? In a cheese quesadilla...

30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is? It will be whatever I want....see #26

Memory Capturer

Sitting on the shady porch of El Tovar, the main thing I become aware of are people who don't or can't or won't, simply SEE. From the sad family in the mini van, to the child on the leash, who is tired and cranky, and resistant to moving on command. "C'mon," wheedles his mother, "we're going to get some chicken nuggets." He perks up, picks up and trots off happily.

Liam (100 yards away) announced quite proudly, "I picked up poooop!"

As I sat on my picnic table after dinner, reading, I heard soft footsteps behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I saw a deer, walking towards my camp site, sniffing here and there. Motionless, I watched her walk in, and around my tent. I could hear people from other camp sites getting excited about a LIVE DEER!!!!! and the kids were shrieking and squealing, but I stayed still and just watched her continue towards my car and around it to a particularly succulent bush. I resisted the urge to get my camera out, as I didn't want to startle her. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a little boy begin to approach, then his dad, grabbed him and held him back. The deer stopped grazing a few times and just looked at me.....and when she had had enough, she ambled through the Cry Baby camp. They were gone, so they missed it. I am sure she left Liam some fresh poop somewhere along the path.

There was a man sitting at the bus stop with a fancy camera....taking pictures of the stars, or trying to anyway, and wondering WHY he couldn't seem to get anything. I am not a photographer, but explained that his flash was useless, that his focus (despite being set to infinity) had nothing to focus on, and that the shutter wasn't staying open long enough for any star light to get in. I suggested a tripod, and a longer exposure....but then I think that is FILM photography. Can you slow the shutter speed, change the aperture and all that with a digital camera? In any event, I convinced them to go to the Star Party and look through the telescopes if they REALLY wanted to see the stars

Mmmmmm Star Party. Venus was very bright, near Gemini; Mars was just above Regulus in Leo - to see the red and the blue in close conjunction like that was neat; and Saturn was a little further along the elliptic. Bernie didn't have a star tracker, but he was the first to find it visually. The rings were clearly visible, as was Titan. My binoculars couldn't quite resolve any of the planets, sadly. My eyes are definitely in some sort of bad place....no night vision at all!

There was a guy at the Ranger Talk who remembered when there was a swimming pool at Phantom Ranch....He swam in it back in the 60s. It has since been filled in, but it was kinda neat that he was back 40 years later....

What is WRONG with these people who feel it necessary to talk during the sun set? And yes, I only sat amongst a group of people ONCE....Do I have a some grandiose, yet false, sense of priority or reverence? (I actually feel the urge to cry, pray and then applaud at sunset).

Why did the Park feel it necessary to install a cell phone tour along the rim trail and bring free wifi to the cafeteria? I am sure people asked for it, and they complied.....The place was packed with people glued to their laptops. I just do NOT get it!?

The Sound of Silence

I am a terrible conversationalist. I don't "chat." I don't like doing it on the phone and I don't do it in person. I am not the person you want to invite to come over for tea. I will sit there on your chintz sofa and dully stare at your china and wait for your phone to ring.

Maybe it is the years of forced isolation...maybe I am just really dull or stupid....or maybe I just don't CARE enough about anything. My facebook status for a while was, "I don't have CRS, I just DGF (Don't Giva Fuck)" and it is really true. I just don't have "deep thoughts" on significant subjects that I feel are worthy of discussing. I would rather sit in silence and listen to the insects and the wind, the crunch of the sand under my hands, to hear the freight train of a California Condor as he rises from the depths, than to talk about oil spills or politics, or boys or whether caffeine is the dark lord, or anything else. I would rather sit still and listen to the wind chimes, than anything on television, and I would rather lie on a picnic table under a vast ocean of blackness that silently spins around my body! I would rather swaddle my ears with big headphones and close my eyes to the world and become enveloped and surrounded by sound, than have to create meaningful sounds of my own!

The idle "chatter" of people talking about nothing confuses me. Is it because I so often HAVE no one to talk to? Or rather, no one to simply LISTEN? I am more accustomed to quiet, perhaps, more capable of being silent for long stretches than most people I know. Do your lips ever stick together when part them for the first time during the day sometime around noon to order a sandwich? Does the sound of your own voice sometimes surprise you?

Mine does.

Camping 2010

Me. at rest. Despite the crack in my forehead, I am supremely happy in this photo! The main point of the trip was to be far away from the computer, and the phone, and not missing either at all. I spent 5 days camping by myself in the Grand Canyon...although to say I was "alone" would be a stretch. There were thousands of other people there visiting, most of whom left at the end of the day. The camp site was full each night, and most of my neighbors were considerate, good campers.

As in years past, there are always the ones who just don't cut it. The ones who really should have gone to Disneyland, or stayed at the hotel, or at the very least, rented an RV and stayed in Trailer Village. Case in point were the Cry Baby contingent south west of my site with Alex, Aaron and Lily, and the Poop Picker Uppers with Liam, Willow and Sierra to the North west. Both contingents had 3 small children under 9 I am guessing, PLUS a baby. Each morning one of the babies would wake in the dawn hours and wail for a solid 10 - 15 minutes. Once the babies were awake, of course the kids got up and the parents of BOTH camps, let their little evil doers run wild through the camp site.

Liam was very fond of finding and playing with deer scat, and his sisters had a habit of riding off on their bike bicycles causing mother much stress. She would stand in her camp site and BELLOW their names. I wanted to tell her that they weren't responding cuz they had RIDDEN OFF ON THE BIKES YOU BROUGHT FOR THEM TO RIDE ON, but I didn't see the point. Alex, of the Cry Baby camp across the street, was constantly bawling about some injustice or another. One time he tried to play with the Poop Pickers and they had apparently snubbed his friendly advances and wouldn't play with him. he has a god awful habit of trudging to the bathroom, NOT on the conveniently located path that went straight there, but insisted on taking a LONG cut through the middle of MY camp site. My evil eye stare did nothing to disabuse him of this habit. They all left on Saturday, and on Sunday morning, I actually slept until 7am - what a quiet morning that was! Even the bastard ravens were quiet for a change!

This is my 5th visit, and my 4th camping trip, to the Grand Canyon, and it simply does not fail to astound me EVERY time! The first visit was with my mother, brother and sister, back in 1980. We took this grand driving tour, from Denver, to Salt Lake City, Reno, San Francisco (where our father met up with us), down the California coast, to LA (where daddy left again), then over to Flagstaff, and a mofning drive through the Grand Canyon, the Painted Desert, Four Corners, and then back to Denver. In 2006, I came with the guy I was dating for the Star Party. We broke up shortly thereafter, but I enjoyed the Star Party so much, I got my aunt to come back with me in 2007 and 2008.

Last year, I would have come, but instead, spent the whole month in Hawaii. I was back this year, even though my aunt canceled her plans a mere week ago! I toyed with the idea of not going at all, but in the end, I am very glad I did. Tomorrow I will post something a little more reflective, as i did a lot of thinking and musing and pondering and even took some notes on scraps of paper, since I forgot my journal....

The photos are nothing that spectacular, I don't have the right camera or talent to capture all those colors you see in professional photographs, but to be quite honest, the light is SO bright, it is hard to really take an honest photograph! Even my memories of the view are bleached almost colorless. The sunsets this year were nothing too spectacular, unfortunately, but the star gazing was awesome!!...Oh, and the white dirty thing is a pancake with almonds, sunflower seeds, cranberries and raisins, and a few chocolate chips. I did flip it over to cook this side too and it was incredible!

The last three were manipulated with Microsoft Picture it just for fun.

random observation at the Canyon

As I was finishing up my lovely week of solo camping, I encountered a very sad family. I had just finished my 8 minute shower (2 minutes longer than it really needs to be...couldn't they charge 50 cents less, and save some water?), and felt all squeaky clean, ready to face the long drive back home. As I am sitting in my car letting my feet dry, listening to the wind in the trees, this mini van pulls up and what I easily guessed to be the dad was yelling at the others in the car. I could tell he had tried to say these things before but no one ever HEARD him.

Kid: [whine voice] Why are we stopping HERE? This isn't the Grand Canyon!

Dad: We are just parking here and we will hike up to the rim [Dad had made an error here...the better place to park is near the market or Shrine of Ages - both completely available, free parking areas, and CLOSE to where the shuttle buses pick up]. Don't forget your water bottles

Kid: [whine voice] I didn't bring one. How come you didn't tell us to bring one???

Dad: [defensive, "told you so" tone] I told you guys we were going camping!

Wife: [had just about enough of this car trip] You never told them to bring their water bottles

Dad: Of course I told them - I know I said we were going to camp! [ahh, but did he EXPLICITLY tell the little pecker heads to bring their water bottles, AND tell them why they would need them, and how thirsty they would be without them, and how expensive and environmentally unfriendly a plastic water bottle can be?? I think NOT]

He gets out and the wife slowly gets out, neither has on a hat, neither has a fanny pack, neither has spent 2 minutes putting on sun screen....but they have water bottles. As they walk off, the kids are dawdling.

Dad: [bellowing]: Come ON!! What are you guys doing??

Kid 1 runs after them, then Kid 2, neither with hats or water bottles, and Dad bleep bleep locks car. As they walk off toward the trail to the rim, I hear them all mildly bickering back and forth. Dad trying to be energetic and excited, mom sounding tired and ignored, and the kids just being little turds..."so where IS the Grand Canyon?" "this is stupid." etc.

I roll my eyes and think how sad to come all this way and just fight about everything, and THEN to park in such an inconvenient place simply 'cuz you didn't take 5 minutes to look at the map. I drove over to the camp site office and turned in my tag, and as I was driving out, I saw them all trudging back to the car, mom screaming at dad about how he should have KNOWN that was a bad idea, and dad trying to placate her and the whiney kids!

Feeling all full of good deeds and overflowing with love for the Canyon, I turn back into the Camper Service lot and pull into a space a few spots over. I decide to pretend I was going to throw away some trash, and walk by the van. Mom is now sitting behind the wheel and I walk up, she looks SO sad and miserable. Her pretty blue eyes full of tears. I asked if I could help them out at all. No, no, she insists they are fine. Dad has gone inside apparently to talk to someone. I said, I have been here a week and if you need any help or suggestions, I will be happy to help. She doesn't look at me and says again, they are fine.

So, I go throw away my "trash" and head back to my car. I noticed they had a camping tag for just one night. They are going to set up tents and ALL that, for ONE night, and they are already at each others throats....gawd.....

I know we were that ugly to my mother and father when we were kids. I know my parents yelled at each other like that on our trips through western Canada and Colorado, and I remember a doozy of a match in a blinding thunder storm in east Texas. The pictures here are a mix...one was up to Colorado in the summer of I think 1969, which I don't remember much at all; and the other in Canada I am guessing 1971- from Calgary, we went up into the Rocky Mountains, Banff, Lake Louise, and over through British Columbia, Vancouver, down to Puget Sound and Seattle. The memories I have of that trip are as foggy as the weather was, but I see the photos and HOPE my parents had more fun than this family was having!

By the time I was in high school, mom took us on those summer trips without dad - he was too busy with work to be gone for weeks on end, and I doubt we could have taken each other for that long anyway. One summer she took us to the Grand Canyon, and I still remember that trip. Just a few hours - we drove in, saw the view from a couple of the pull outs, then drove on again to the Painted Desert.

None of my frickin' business, I KNOW, but I wish I could have told that family to be kinder to each other; to cherish the memory of going to the Grand Canyon together....there are so many things I have said and done to my family that I wish I could take back...


(all photos except one, were taken by my father with the fancy SLR Canon camera he had just got...I have it now, and need to learn how to use it properly.....Mom took the other photo and it is the only one of him and us in the whole set)

Inadvertently

The swanky new design is not what I wanted. They "ought" to give you a preview option...and then the CHOICE to go back to what you originally had......but they don't...... oh well

wordless wednesday, well, only TWO words

me....Soon