Nature is Human

When I moved to my new place 10 months ago, there was an abandoned bird nest in the kitchen window. The girl who owns the place just picked up the twigs and tossed them in the bushes, warning me that the doves liked it there, and I never thought about it again.

Over the last month or so, everytime I go out the front door, I'd notice a twig or two in the window. That wiley bird was trying to set up a nest, and while I love little birdies, I don't love little birdie shit, and I sure don't want it on my front patio, so I would toss the twigs in the bushes. One day, I noticed the bird had managed to get a nest going on the 2" thick beam above my patio (the clue was al the twigs on the GROUND underneath it. I am like, "why the hell is there a pile of sticks on the ground right HERE...oh"). Smart little pecker head, she must have known I couldn't reach it and so she won that round. Sadly, one morning on my way to the gym, there was a little bird egg, all splatted to hell. I thought, OK, that is nature, survival of the fittest and all that, but maybe now the dove knows, my patio is NOT a good place to bring children into the world.

I went to Evansville last week and was gone 4 days. I came home and not only was there a nest in the kitchen window, but there was an egg. Son of a bitch...Well, that's that, right? I can't move the nest NOW...there are children involved. The next day I come out and there is ANOTHER egg. Great, shit for everyone! I should start a compost pile, right? I gave in and would surreptitiously watch the dove sit on her nest from the dark kitchen...every time I opened the door, or course she flew off, but she always came back and sat on her babies.

Last week, I noticed she was never there - no flurry of feathers when I opened the door and even when I spied on the nest from the dark kitchen, there was no mama dove, but the eggs are still there, in tact. No wild life has eaten them!

Yesterday, I mentioned it to my neighbor, and she said, "Ohhh that explains why this crazy dove keeps walking back and forth for 10 minutes every hour or so on my kitchen window ledge...."

Stupid nature! The bird was on crack and forgot where she left her kids! You'd THINK as many times as I forced her to start over, she would remember where she put the damn nest...OR MAYBE this is just a case of deadbeat dad?? Perhaps mama made the nest, laid the eggs and then said, "Yo papa, I am off for a little va-kay, you do the egg squat for a while." And then she never told him where she dropped the kids off?

So, What am I supposed to do? Move the nest and her eggs next door? I think the eggs are dead now...more than 4 days and it gets cold here at night.....poor little birdies.....