The Milk Challenge

Captain Dumbass poignantly recounted a tale of his new little boy, Finn and his most recent "spit up," and that reminded me of 4th of July last year.  

My family always gets together on the 4th in my aunt and uncle's back yard near Houston. I come from Arizona, my dad drives down from the the East Texas forest,  either my brother or my sister (and their kids) come in from MI or IN...My dad's sisters, and most of my first and second cousins from that particular branch of the family, AND all their kids, as well as various ex husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends (and the rare "partner" usually introduced as "my friend")!  Usually a screaming rabble in the pool, sometimes a bloody slide incident, 3 or 4 dogs underfoot, a few hardy souls jumping from the garage roof into the pool (though once one person does it, then all the little munchkins wanna do it too. The only rule is you have to be big enough to get yourself up the ladder), usually some sort of impromptu "talent" display, lots of delicious food, and then we all sit on the roof when the sun goes down to watch two different sets of fireworks.  

I have been attending with devout regularity since 1995, and it has really been cool watching my little cousins grow up. I imagine this is how MY aunts and uncles felt watching me and my brother and sister and first cousins when we were little.

Well, the times, they are a-changin.'  All them little third cousins are married now, and have their own children, which is fine and dandy, but some of those spouses, I tell ya, they have brought in an element that can only be described as "uncouth." Now, we are no puritan, perfect family by any means (most of them wildly profess to be Christian, and every so often one of them will erroneously ask me if I have a relationship with Christ....). 

We are definitely a red neck bunch of Cajuns, and mighty proud of it.  But these spouses...the ideas in their heads!? You have to wonder if perhaps they WERE dropped on their heads as babies, and not just disciplined with switches and belts like the rest of us!

My little third cousin C married this guy, W who seems like such a fine upstanding guy. They have made some beautiful babies, and C seems really happy (she recently had new boobs installed, so I think W is really happy too). So, last year, W, not content with the way things are decided to mix it up and introduced "The Milk Challenge"  He told us about this dumbass stunt, where you have drink a gallon of milk, and then keep it down for an hour.  Apparently, it is a real test of your manhood, like killing a deer or pulling a sword from a stone, so as we all watched in abject horror....several tried...and all failed. They all report the milk was still cold as it came back out.  Something about the Sorry about the incredibly gross, but vivid, photo. Show your children - let this be a cautionary tale for them so others don't have to suffer!!!  

I am thinking, men, what crazy nuts makes them do these things (oh yeah...crazy nuts...duhhh), when my cousin K decides SHE wants in......She drank about half, but she won't let herself throw up for some reason, so she just writhed on the grass for a long time....