Taking a cue from Charmaine, and feeling completely at a loss for words, I want to share something I wrote ages ago...I don't dwell on the past, thought I am a Cancer, with my moon sign in Virgo, so I think that explains some of my sentimental melacholy.....but I STILL wonder if I could have done better!My last boyfriend WAS a wonderful, smart, kind, generous person in so many ways (and really cute to boot), and I didn't want to "change" him. I will sum it up for you by simply asking, how many times would I have to say "please take your shoes off when you come in. I'd rather not track the filth from outside, inside onto my floor," before you'd starting doing it? Most of my girl friends would say once. A couple of my more evolved male friends would too. But for Steve, it never clicked in.
I needed to take an allergy pill to go to his cat-fur-infested house, and while the pill enabled me to continue breathing, it also knocked me OUT, but since I was also taking THE Pill, which, while it kept me from getting knocked UP, it had the unfortunate side effect of giving me insomnia, despite the allergy pill, BUT since I NEED sleep, I sometimes would take an Ambien, ALL of which f*&ked big time with my blood sugar and my hormones. I did all this for him, and yet, he couldn't remember to take his shoes off at my house? Maybe I should have added Valium to the mix, and then I just wouldn't have cared.
He loves me, he'd say, tossing it off casually, like "see you later," and as much as I knew he "cared" whether I was dead of alive, I just have to wonder, WHY can't he just take his damn shoes off??? I organized his garage, I cleaned his house, I brushed his dog (not to be nice to the dog, but the more hair I brushed off outside, the less I would find in the house later on). Not cuz I WANTED something (other than to be able to breathe), but because it needed to be done. I may be a pack rat, but I am CLEAN pack rat. I am the child my mother had to BEG to go play in the dirt, so all the other mothers wouldn't think I was strange. Why couldn't he just wipe the cat tracks off the counter when he knew I was coming over? Not ALL the time, and god knows I wouldn't know it he had DISINFECTED it or not, but why not just HIDE it, ya know? I just didn't feel the same about cat hair on my pants, I didn't appreciate a dog's cold nose in my crotch, and I couldn't just fall in bed without brushing my teeth. It made me squirm when he would fondle his pussies and then reach out to touch mine!! Did he not remember that when his cat dander-covered hands touch my face, it gets red and itchy?
Was I a freak, a germ-phobe? i dunno, maybe...I am allergic to cats. Did this make us incompatible?
I wanted to love wholly, honestly, completely, and always be at ease....but he made me a wreck, physically and mentally...perhaps I just undermined it for myself. I knew something was amiss when I realized he thought "intimacy" meant he could tell me all his kinky proclivities, while silly me, I just wanted to be able to be open and honest and have complete communication in heart and mind.....
My first grade teacher was right when she told my mom that I worked better alone...
6 comments:
Awww... I think you hit the nail on the head when you pointed out what you had to do for him, but what he wasn't willing to do for you. You weren't trying to change HIM, just make him aware that his ENVIRONMENT wasn't healthy for you. There's nothing wrong with that. And if he really had cared and loved you the way a person deserves to be loved and cared for, he would have made an effort. And for the record, you don't sound like a germaphobe (sp?)... you sound like a normal person who doesn't want to live in dirt. Nothing wrong with that either! Sounds like you just weren't compatible in some ways that mattered, no matter how lovely he was as a person.
I understand what you mean.
What a great post. I love the way you write. How do you do that?
Evil Surfer Dude came over to my house all the time. The minute he would arrive he would say, "Hug me you freak". I did. Then he would say, "Kiss me". I did. "No, a better kiss then that" he would say.
At first it was cute. Then I told him to stop these pathetic requests for affection. He never stopped. I'm not saying there was anything wrong with the requests...they just got on my nerves. I am affectionate when I want to be.
I don't know if there is a parallel here. If there is it means when someone makes a small request...listen already. How hard is it to listen?
It's impossible if the request asks the other to be contrary to who they are. Hence...not compatible.
oh same as you, Charmaine - i just speak from my roiling guts - usually with very little censoring, haphazard editing and spelling is checked only so I don't "read" like the back-water-redneck-born-on-a-bayou that is my heritage....
hearing is not the same as listening, is it - it is nice when they look at you when you speak, and nod genially in agreement....actually hearing would be so much more welcome....and to be fair, it is not just men who do this......
Sara, I just spit a semi-chewed bite of a PB&J onto my computer screen when I read the when he fondled his pussies line (then I cleaned it off and washed my hands)....I was laughing and gagging at the same time...YUK...who was this dudes role model Tarzan.
I don't care how "cute" he was, you were taking a pharmacy to be part of his life and he wouldn't brush his teeth or take his shoes off. Sounds like someone was a little self centered and it wasn't you.
But you had to look back at the relationship to see the lack of consideration, didn't you? Sometimes you ignore what you don't want to see, until it really bites you in the ass. On the other hand, I have a spouse and I'll have to say, there are oodles of things that drive me nuts about him. I don't know where you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not, cause, let's face it, none of us are perfect.
Ok, now that I hit "publish comment", I realized that there was a real possibility that my comment could be misconstrued. I in no way, shape, or form, mean to suggest that people should "settle" or accept what is unacceptable. Relationships are definitely two-way streets. I have flaws (a couple) and my husband does too (more than me). There is an essence, though, about him, that is a decent, hard-working guy, who I know loves me, even though I totally and completely piss him off (sometimes for good reason). I'm just saying that some things you have to let slide, and other things you can't. Ok, just tell me to shut up now.
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