Gay Rights from a Straight Perspective

oh, this is long...please read it all....your thoughts are most appreciated!!

My basic creed is Live and Let Live. In other words, everyone is entitled to their opinion , no matter how stupid or opposite of my own it may be. Just 'cuz people have different opinions should not be the cause of the world's problems, but as you well know, it usually is. I have plenty of friends, good ones, who have different religious and political views than I, yet we are truly friends. I can have a discussion, debate even, over tough topics, and that ability to exchange is one of the things I find appealing about actually getting dressed and leaving the house. Usually interacting with other people just makes me want to crawl under the covers!

However, a certain amount of openness and flexibility are required when dealing with people...and I suppose I expect too much for people to actually Live and Let Live, like me. To preface this post, I recently saw Keith Olbermann's fabulous commentary on CA's Prop 8 - Here is a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HpTBF6EfxY

So, I met a guy on line...he seemed normal, we had a couple of nice chats on line, seemed to have some things in common and so we decided to meet for coffee - heck he even sprung for my iced coffee! But in the ensuing conversation, he said something that I considered remarkably ignorant, and insensitive, not to mention stupid. I bit my tongue, cuz I try not to discuss these things on a first meeting....but he went on about how horrible it was for gays to marry and adopt children and MORE.....meanwhile, my gay office-mate's partner had just had her anonymous sperm-donor made baby, and my other office mate, was actually in San Francisco tying the knot while it was still legal.

The guy said it wasn't that he was paranoid or homophobic (obviously....); that he simply saw homosexuality as wrong and immoral, based on his beliefs and world view and religious upbringing, and ya know, that is fine. I never would have made him watch the Pride Parade or have a homosexual experience. I personally think onions, cauliflower and decaf coffee are offenses to god and man - sheer unmitigated forces of evil, wrought on man like the boils and locusts of the plague; and I think they should be banned from all restaurants and grocery stores, and that is my opinion and I would hope you remember that if you ever invite me for dinner..... Not quite the same things, of course, but you get my point - he didn't.

Does anyone think, really, that gay people are trying to take anything something away from straight people? Don't all people just want to be treated justly, subjected to the same laws and eligible for the same rights and privileges? It is more than just the right to be recognized by the state such as domestic partnership and civil union, which this fellow proudly stated he supported...but NOT marriage. I don't think this country was founded on anything related to whether a person was gay or not - or married or single or widowed or anything else like that. It was based on freedoms of religion and speech, and all that other stuff that got put into the constitution before we started making amendments (and many of them are excellent), and what one does in their own home is their business.

Let me say this clearly, I am not a lesbian. I like women, and can appreciate a beautiful, sweet smelling body with curves and soft skin as much as a man can, but I am not interested in them sexually and I have never had any sort of sexual experience with another woman. I like men. I like sex the old fashioned way, and some not so old-fashioned ways too! That said, I firmly believe in the rights of ALL people! It is a sad fact that homosexual people are discriminated against in the work place and at school and everywhere else. Gay is the new black!

I don't care for blatant displays of leather butt chaps and overly aggressive PDAs and all that, either, but I don't have to watch the Pride Parade. I don't care for Larry Flynt or pornography either, but I respect the right of people to have it, if that is what gives them the jollies. You don't have to accept it, approve of it, understand it or anything else - we all just have to live and let live. The guy said something like all gay men wanted to screw little boys and they were all pedophiles.....oy.....While I (and the majority of people with IQs above 34) do not consider NAMBLA as reasonable or even marginally acceptable, I DO accept that people of the same gender CAN love each other and, yes, have sex, as against nature as it may seem! Besides, the statutory rape laws would protect children from predators of either gender, I would expect and hope, making NAMBLA not merely immoral but actually illegal!

He said unfounded things about gays having multiple partners and spreading AIDs! Given my business, I have LOTS of gay friends, and the majority of them are not wanton sluts (at least not any more than my heterosexual ones). There are exceptions on both sides of the fence....MM has slept with dozens of men, by her own calculations....and same with EW (and he is indiscriminate - he probably slept with MM too!) The sad thing is the people I know who have (or had and are now dead) AIDs (gay and straight alike), did not get it because they had MULTIPLE partners. They were ALL in committed relationships. AIDs can take years to develop and, as everyone knows, it can be spread though more than just homosexual contact. I read somewhere that world wide, there are more women with it now than gay men! And our numbers don't even begin to reach the numbers who have it in Africa where it isn't gay men that have it at all...it is straight men, their wifes and millions of children infected at birth or through breast milk!

But I don't want to go off on AIDS - the prejudice against gay marriage, I think, is rooted in the belief that gay people just want sex and they don't have the same ideas about lifelong commitment. But that is just silly. Most of the guys I date seem to just want sex and want nothing to do with a commitment. There are thousands of gay couples who have been in strong committed relationships for years...decades even! I read one Stanford University study that said that fewer than 20% of the registered gay partnerships ended in divorce, compared to closer to 50% for regular marriage! It is a HUGE thing to make a same sex commitment - not as easy as it is for a boy and a girl to just say "let's get hitched!" I mean, the gay couple really has to think about it, and what it means to jump into this can of worms...they have spent a long time in this informal partnership, so the steps to make it formal are not taken lightly or quickly - and one bonus is they never have to get married cuz one of the partners accidentally gets pregnant (which then commonly results in divorce in hetero couples).

It is just an illogical misconception that gay men don't want monogamous relationships - Of course they do - we ALL just want someone to love us forever!! it is the media that has created this idea...all we hear about and see are the leather dudes with big mustaches, and the butt chap, bustier wearing queens!! And those visuals just make many people uncomfortable, although it is NOT what the average gay guy wears to work, or church! My hat is off to shows like Brothers and Sisters that shows how a gay relationship can work and develop in the real world (unlike Grey's Anatomy who just did it to have hot chicks kiss on TV). And why is prostitution such a billion dollar industry?? There are a lot of bored lonely men who want a quickie with a hot chick and then go home to Martha with AIDs, hep C and syphyllis

Now, as to gays having children.....lots of hetero couples use OTHER people's sperm or eggs to make a baby, so what is the problem with a gay person doing it? There is no scientific or unbiased evidence that a child raised in a gay home suffers. The American Academy of Pediatrics' Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health issued a report a couple of years ago that found no differences between children with gay parents and those with heterosexual parents! The study found more similarities than differences in the parenting styles and attitudes of gay and straight fathers, and it showed that lesbian mothers scored the same as hetero moms in "self-esteem, psychologic adjustment and attitudes toward child rearing."

In addition, and perhaps most importantly, the study looked at the kids themselves and found that NONE of the several hundred children studied had "gender identity confusion, wished to be of the other sex or consistently engaged in cross-gender behavior. No differences were found in the toy, game, activity, dress or friendship preferences of boys or girls with gay parents compared with those with heterosexual parents, nor any differences in sexual attraction or self-identification as gay." No differences have been found in personality measures, peer group relationships, self-esteem, behavioral difficulties, academic success and quality of family relationships and the studies suggest only one meaningful difference: Children of gay parents are "more tolerant of diversity and more nurturing toward younger children than children whose parents are heterosexual." And this was only one study!! If there are studies showing the opposite is true, conducted by impartial, scientific minds like the American Academy of Pediatrics or the American Psychological Association, I would certainly read it. There are lots of negative reports, created by anti-gay groups like the Marriage Law Project of Catholic University, which don't really count given their religious prejudice, but if there is something more concrete, send me a link

If you are still reading, sorry for the long rant...but I am glad you are still here. I would never call myself a "Christian," as I think that word has taken on the same "ick" label that has been affixed to "liberal." However, I have read the teachings of Jesus and think, for the most part, what he wanted from his fellow man was compassion. I simply don't expect for my spiritual and moral values and beliefs to extend to anyone except my own self. I respect anyone who has strong religious beliefs that help them get through this maze of life, and I am sure a dose of faith would have helped me get through some of the hard times in my life, but I think it is ridiculus for me to think others HAVE to think MY way or my religion's way, or they are wrong. I have been told by family members that I am not going to heaven since I have not accepted Jesus Christ as my personal saviour.....and I have told them that the heaven I am going to will be one where all of my friends and loved ones will be welcome - including the gay, jew and muslim ones!!

So, I basically told the guy all of this...and I never heard from him again, and that is just fine with me......I really don't want to "change " anyone's mind about anything - i just want someone who is open to all the infinite possibilities in the world and not be closed off somehow, you know?? If change happens, fine, and if not, it all boils down to my original premise of Live and Let Live.