Song

Another of my favorite poems, Song by Adrienne Rich, followed by my new interpretation

You're wondering if I'm lonely:
OK then, yes, I'm lonely
as a plane rides lonely and level
on its radio beam, aiming
across the Rockies
for the blue-strung aisles
of an airfield on the ocean.

You want to ask, am I lonely?
Well, of course, lonely
as a woman driving across country
day after day, leaving behind
mile after mile
little towns she might have stopped
and lived and died in, lonel

If I'm lonely
it must be the loneliness
of waking first, of breathing
dawn's first cold breath on the city
of being the one awake
in a house wrapped in sleep

If I'm lonely
it's with the rowboat ice-fast on the shore
in the last red light of the year
that knows what it is, that knows it's neither
ice nor mud nor winter light
but wood, with a gift for burning.

When I first read this poem, I thought it was sad, about being alone and lonely. AR wrote this poem a year after her divorce and several years before she came "out." Some critiques think it IS about isolation because of how many times repeats the word "lonely." The frozen water, the house wrapped in sleep, the cold breath of dawn, mile after mile....all these images that conjure up a frozen wasteland of a sad and useless life.

When I tried to do this piece 20 years ago, it was a miserable failure. I could never understand why I couldn't give the piece the proper treatment...I was good at going for the melancholy, but I just couldn't reach the proper feeling of isolation.

After reading it again today, I realize maybe it is not so much just a "sad poem about being lonely," but rather, a celebration of being alone. And THAT speaks to me now. The plane is not lonely in the chilly sky...it is filled with life and promise and hope and it is headed to a beautiful place, headed for the ocean breezes and sandy beaches. I sat on a plane flying west and watched the sunset...the colors changing, the landscape evolving and the empty sky not really so empty with all the stars and clouds and the twinkling lights below.

Nor is the woman driving across the country lonely. I have sat in that driver's seat many time, and never once have I felt LONELY. There is a literal freedom in that solitude! She, and I, MIGHT have stopped, as AR writes. Or not. And perhaps rather than being trapped in one of those little towns and sucked into a lifeless marriage, she has chosen to be alone to experience more of what the world has to offer.

It is not sad to be alone in a house full of sleeping people, knowing that noise and chaos can erupt at any moment.- there is a bit of a thrill to be the first one up, sometimes - perhaps Christmas morning...hushed and quiet, you can hear the clock tick, as you enjoy a peaceful cup of coffee, knowing you won't hear the clock tick again the rest of the day....

Yes, yes, I know I am putting my own interpretation on Adrienne Rich's piece, and she was feeling badly when she wrote it about not following the expected and more traditional female path of getting married and settling down, and whatever else she was conflicted about, but isn't that the point of poetry? To evoke something in the reader/speaker and cause an emotion to be felt? Besides, I am an actor, I take words and use them to create a feeling, an emotion, a reality, if possible. And it isn't always the author's intentions that actors convey, as much as the author and playwright hope. We always color the words with our own experiences and interpretations and bring OUR lives to the words. When I did this piece at 26, I hadn't been the lonely of which the author speaks, and certainly couldn't tap into the pain she was writing about. Interestingly, I found an article about AR by, novelist Kristy Gunn. She had this to say about AR's writing in general, but I think it particularly applies to Song:

It is dangerous, Rich is saying to be a woman in the world, and to be alert to that world. We are dangerous to men when we see ourselves this way, we are dangerous to ourselves. But through that experimentation with danger comes strength, and new ways forward.

And NOW, as a more grown up person, with more time on Earth, I have been lonely, and I have been alone, and I have survived both. I have driven and flown across the country and around the world with freedom and abandon, and I have sat in empty houses full of sleeping people, and I have sat in empty houses all alone.

I have been the frozen vessel, and I am ready to burst into flames.....