Extremities

My life is about extremes.....frantically busy one month and dead lethargy the next. Full on gym/exercise/early rise routine one week, blink and I am a sloth like, chocolate swilling, sleep til noon kinda gal.....On Monday, I trudged through an icy Central Park with heavy black shoes, a long, black wool coat, a scarf, mittens and a hat, lugging an overnight bag and today, I got sun burnt at the park in Tucson 'cuz I wore shorts and a t-shirt and no sun screen went I went for a little jog!

As I was unpacking, and doing laundry (so I can leave again next week), I contemplated this volatility which even extends to my so-called "love life" and wondered if perhaps I had created some kind of monster within myself. It has been 2 1/2 years since my last male relationship, and I ponder if this exile has anything to do with my affinity for extremes....I mean, I have HAD me some BIG FUN, but generally I can sum it up my love life one way:




Yeah, that's it...a big blank empty place. And I swing in my emotions about that...I am UP, and I say to myself, I don't mind, no butt-dunking in the middle of the night from a toilet seat not put back down, no little black man-hairs in the sink - but then the pendulum goes down, and I wonder if it would be a good thing to have a reason to (learn to) cook and eat dinner on a regular basis, and to not work all hours of the day and night...and then I swing UP, bonking myself on the head, and say THANK GOD! I CAN SLEEP ON WHATEVER SIDE OF THE BED I WANT!! Does this make me bi-polar?

I have been told I am too picky...but I don't think that is it - and just to illustrate that for you, here is an abbreviated laundry list of some of the men I have dated over the years (and NO, I absolutely did NOT sleep with all of them, in fact most of them didn't even get a kiss good night!). Honestly, most of the men I meet aren’t chaps I want to meet my mama, let alone take back to my house. I'd be afraid I’d get to my door, and realize my judgment was no longer impaired and scream in horror til they ran away!!

There was the skinny, dairy farmer with the handlebar mustache, and the goofy soap salesman with the hot tub, the very tall, very young Danish computer programmer; the mentally challenging photographer (not mentally challengeD, though he did do his best to piss me off sometimes) who taught me to play backgammon, the pocket-protector wearing engineer, the old cat-lady rocket scientist, the Safeway produce guy; a professor at the university; the closet holy roller; the Nascar enthusiast; the fat lawyer; the spinning instructor from my gym; and the unemployed fisherman - he DID at least cook me some fine salmon. I also met the cutest gendarme on a train in France one year...he didn’t speak much English, which was OK with me. Then there was another computer geek I dated for about a month or so...he really REALLY liked me, so I knew I’d find out what was wrong with him eventually (turns out he really WAS bi-polar and was off his meds). There was Rick, the “entrepreneur,” Conrad, the perpetual “student,” Kevin, the runner, Michael in real estate, Chris in pest control, and Ed, who, since he delivered Dreyer’s ice cream, you’d think he’d be my dream man, but NOPE! When my neighbor moved, I prayed for a cute, single, straight guy to move in. I got my wish, but he was 15 years younger than me, and as much as I hate to admit it, I am NOT Demi Moore. There was Joel, a special forces unit unto himself; Mike, the professa; Frank (aka Jabba); Scott, the homeless nurse; Simon, the French adventure tour operator (oh la la); Dave, the house painter; Art, the rentacop; Shane, the musician with no sense of rhythm; and then there was Gary, the submarine engineer who I never really figured out - he was such a workaholic, I never had a chance to scare him off.

I even dated my own (male) secretary once...and YES, I did fire him first, to avoid any sense of sexual harassment (he was quitting anyway). So, NO, in case you wondered, I am NOT TOO PICKY!!!

I could write a BOOK about the men I have dated...Charmaine, look out, I could give you a real run for the money! Ya know, all I want is someone who can keep up with me without laughing hysterically or crying in frustration...is that so much to ask??? Oh, and no cats, and no World of Warcraft, please.....

OK, back to laundry...and I will catch up on my recent trip with photos soon!