something is wrong with me. you know, when an opportunity presents itself, i mean, practically lays down and plays dead in front of ones self, imploring you to avail yourself...and you DON'T - what is wrong? wrong time wrong place wrong person? stupid brain, chicken sh*t. yeah i am just a complete loser. I am incapable of making a connection with the ones who DO want me!! oh yeah, there are tons who don't want anything to do with me and i am just fine with that, but to not even care about the ones who DO want me?? the ones I apparently have some kind of terrifying power over? what is that?? F**KED up, is what that is. I need therapy, and a drink, or both. I used to think I just need to get laid, but I know that is NOT it. I know I just sent a perfectly good, willing, fairly attractive, seemingly healthy man who didn't mind rubbing my feet, off to his car, without giving him what I know he wanted, and which I could probably do with a dose of, but, as the song goes, "I felt nothing," zero, zip, nada, couldn't even fake it. In fact, I feel better now that he is gone! I am finally the cold frigid heartless automaton I was always scared of becoming.
so NOW what?
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