decompression

It is March, and I have that "air completely leaving my body" feeling I get every year around this time. I am back from the national tour. Perhaps it has something to do with not going up and down in the air so much? In 7 weeks, I flew Tucson - Houston - Newark - Chicago - Houston - San Francisco - Houston - LaGuardia - Houston - Tucson - Houston - Ft Lauderdale - Houston - Phoenix. I was upgraded to first class on 2 of those, and only got stranded in Houston (twice) and San Francisco for an extra night, so all in all, not a horrible travel experience!

So, now I am home, settling back into living in an actual home, with an actual bed, and not a suitcase. I have a place to cook meals and store food and do laundry. I have a closet of yarn that needs hooking and a car that needs washing, and plants that need replanting. I am back to the gym full force and have lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks....30 to go. It has been rainy and cold, and there is still snow up on Mt. Lemmon, but today is clear and bright - lovely day, but still coolish.

As in past years, I find myself nodding off in the armchair in the afternoons like a little old lady.....My head will start to droop, my hands will fall...and the TIVO remote will hit the tile floor, which jolts me awake. I move over to the futon couch and curl up under a blanket I made. I snuggle in for a little nap and then I feel guilty about not working enough. When I DO allow myself to fall asleep, it is fully and completely, and upon waking, I struggle to the surface of consciousness, my body still somewhere else, my hands and feet not quite working for a bit...

I tell myself I am "decompressing," but I really think it is some kind of a depression. I find myself at a loss. I feel lonely and useless and aimless without the 24/7 pressure of work. It is this time of year that i think about buying a house, getting a dog, joining e-harmony, and I cry a lot for no particular or solvable reason. This being ALONE after such being WITH so many people and having SO much to do...i feel like a giant balloon with all the air let out....all stretched out and used.... I miss my mommy and daddy and fear for my nephew and nieces, I am needy and wishy washy......

Oh, I'll get over it....Heading to Boston at the end of the month, and then Evansville in April, and the book festival is this weekend, and it is supposed to be 75 degrees next week, and my foot is almost better so maybe I can go hike in the canyon.....and life turns again.....the itchiness will subside, and the desire for a house will pass, and I will settle back down into my rut...as bumpy and pitted as it is..... welcome home....

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