She

She just oozes venom. Nothing I say is worth crap. I ask what do you want to do, she  says, i don't care what ever you want to do, so I say we are going to take the bus and she complains about her feet and walking to the bus I say, ok we can take a a cab - oh now she says, let's do what YOU want. At lunch, i thought she'd have a better view in the seat facing the boats, so i said, sit here, and she flounced down into the chair... Observant, I saw I had done SOMETHING to make her mad, so I said, you can sit here in the other seat if you would rather. oh NO, she said, you want me to sit here so I will sit here. I said, you can sit in whichever you want, i just thought the view would be better from that one. Oh I am just fine here if this is where you want me. I almost hit her square in the face. Instead I leaned over real close, put my hand on her wrist and whispered in her ear, you can sit in whch ever seat you want, i just thought this was the BETTER seat, so she grabs her stuff and says OK I WILL change, that's the one i wanted anyway. i came so close to twisting her arm or throwing a glass of water in her face several times, or maybe just punching her.

At dinner, my cousin, no relation to her, and i are chatting as we usually do once a year when we get together. I mention how my cousin's grandma got HER her first job and Oh my does that set her off on a roll, talking and and oh my she is just in story heaven. I finally say something about seeing another cousin recently in Chicago, and you would have thought I had actually made good on my mental threats and slapped her. She sat there the rest of dinner, picking at  her sandwicm with her lips pursed, wouldn't say a thing to anyone.

When the bill comes, she asks, am I supposed to pay for everyone? No, I mutter, we all pay our own.When we wre offered a ride home instead of having to suffer the bus all the way back, it is, oh no we don't want to put you out of your way. My cousin insits, couldn't be nicer about it, and she sits like a lump, as we are getting out, she apologizes profusely for  putting them out....

and now she is in her pajamas, faces washed, in bed watching television.  barely 8pm...what am i supposed to do for 3 hours.

 i love her but i can't be with her. she makes me feel worthless. a mother is not supposed to do that to a child. SHE makes ME feel like I should jut kill myself. That i am an ugly unstylish heaven useless blob. SHE makes ME feel like SHIT