To be or Not to be...and to be WHAT is really the question!

I responded to someone who commented on my last post about how my life, and my life's focus seems to be changing, without my permission.  I am trying to find that next step, that next "fun" thing that will hopefully take me out of this mid-life crisis, but as I wrote to her, it is just really hard to make myself FOCUS on something "else" for some reason.  I mean, I have "done" theatre since I was a teen ager.  My family knows me as the dramatic one; i have a multi-page resume that says I "DO" theatre...I have diplomas and awards and stacks of books that say my expertise is in the production of live entertainment of one form or another...It has been what has "defined" me, in conversation (So, what do YOU do?), in my dating profiles (Job?: Creative); even my tax return (Occupation: Director), and so much more...

And now I feel like my very outlines are blurring. I sense my colors seeping out, mixing together, sort of like watercolors that are too watery on paper that is not absorbent enough...I feel like a scribble...

I know no one can TELL me what to do; I suppose medication would be a useful tool....I am sure this is "just" some kind of mid life crisis, but it sure feels hopeless and out of control.

On a good note, in the last week, I have managed to hook up my OWN wireless router; hooked up the adapter to TIVO so now IT gets a wireless signal (the internal analog modem no longer "speaks" to digital Qwest...oh, how I wish I could tell them to go screw themselves like that); AND I got a smart phone....I jumped all the way into the 21st century, from 1994 in one giant swoop!!!  I think these external progresses are a direct and specific desire to avoid the more important internal discussion that needs to be had.....and I cooked, too, twice, this week. If that ain't avoidance, I don't know what it is!!